Monthly Archives: February 2012

A Drop in the Bucket

For many years, many blogs, journals, spaces, faces, etc. I have read about the bucket lists, paths to happiness, 365/365 (except leap years), 101’s 1001’s, 50 things in 2012,  Mo’s and other various projects. I’ve even taken part in them, and sometimes actually ‘win’ them. Usually not though. Especially not NaNoWriMo.  

This doesn’t build my cynicism towards them (one of the very short list of things that do not irritate me), nor will I mock any person’s attempt to achieve their goal, short or long-term. On the contrary, I am one of those ‘enablers’, who tells you to buy those shoes, that electronic device, that SuperBurger Deluxe with Cheese, because like that little voice, I know you want it. Yes you do. Go for it. You’re welcome! So the lesson for today is, don’t tell me what you want to do, unless you want to do it. Which you do. Yes you do.

We have goals. It’s the reason long-term memory was included in the evolution upgrade. Or maybe not. So we’re essentially obligated to have goals, like how we’re guilted into using Mail Merge on MSOffice because we paid so much for it, and wind up only using maybe five Word features, including bold and Lucida Calligraphy (for those special announcements).  In other words, by all means I should have a bucket full of goals and stuffs.

Ok! Win the lottery! *drop*. Into the ol’ bucket it goes.

Really, because after that, the possibilities are endless. Even things that I have no idea right now that I want to do, I will. I can now travel around the world, or not. I can get my book published, either by bribing the right people or just printing it up myself. I can even buy one of them printing presses and cut out the middle man. Mimeographing is yet another option, and that can guarantee sales, since everyone will buy a copy just to shove it in their face and inhale deeply, without a teacher yelling at them to stop fooling around pass the rest of the tests back.

I will not live this life as if it is a countdown, as though I have to ‘get things done’ before I die. I don’t care how good any person works under pressure, that’s too much. Let’s say I complete it all; then what? Should I have made a loooong list of things, half of which I can seriously accomplish? NO! That leads to the moment, 6 hours from now, or 60 years from now, my last thought would be – “I never got to finish that list or do…” Screw that. I would rather have a list that I build as I go along, as I LIVE, and experience, learn and prosper. My last thoughts would be all I HAVE done in life, the happiness, bittersweet and what has put me on the path to where I am.

What we strive for in life is in a way, futile. The world will turn after we are gone, and it will not remember our high scores, our trips, how good we are in the sack (unless the legends have already started; but still you know how they get changed over generations). We forget as we age, we fall short in our last years of our goals, so the pressure to do them now is always there. We have a life to live though, and should pay more attention to it, as without a job, or responsibilities, we wither and lose our desire for better, as it is pulled from our weak gravitational pull.

I see too much competition, even amongst those who are cohorts, colleagues, or following the same path. No matter how good we are, there is always something better to accomplish? So do we settle, or do we keep that goal, and be content? Should we strive to be rich? To take just one step on every continent in the world? To bang an A-list celebrity? To make yourself a great batch of chocolate chip pancakes with bacon and fresh maple syrup and not feel guilty? Whenever I have an urge for a filet mignon or t bone steak, I go to my favorite butcher shop and pick out a nice chop. I season it the way I want then broil it up, and enjoy. Nothing to it. Not a drop in the bucket; just me, satisfying my need, when I can, and more importantly, because I can.

ImagePlease note that my goal was not to finish it in one sitting. Mission accomplished!

You know what though? Go ahead. Make a bucket list. Get yourself an empty bucket, and fill it up. Not with the things you want to do though. Ah, no!. What you do it, fill it up with everything you have accomplished, everything that you have experienced and every moment that you have been thankful for those things having been part of your life. Yes even the sandwiches. Warren Zevon was right on the money.

I remember all of those honey/maple roasted turkey heros with American cheese lettuce and honey mustard on soft sub rolls that I used to make back in the day. They are not part of my life now, but the memories of that yummliciousness will stay with me always. *drop* In the bucket.

Ok I will admit, I do have goals. I once planned to read Les Miserables (full version), and I did it! Next is Don Quixote, and yes I have it in my bookshelf, a full version. So ok I will have read two of the most amazing books in history, but I will not take that knowledge, the love and amazement at the literacy wonderfulness that is reading, with me when I die. I will do it, regardless of that macabre thinking, for what it gives to me as I live each moment while I read the words and turn each page, then one day finally slapping it closed. Done.

*drop*

Don’t worry about what you will do with your life. Just enjoy it.

The only disappointment anyone could feel would be that accomplishing, finishing or experiencing anything on any level, is better than the idea that they were ALIVE when it happened, and what each moment brought with it.

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Filed under 50 Books in 2012, Books, Creative Writing, Life, Rants, Uncategorized

Ladies and Gentlement, Let’s All Give it up For…Lent!

Trying to figure out what I should be giving up for Lent. No I am not giving up Netflix, cookies, drinking, my phone, or borrowing books when I already have a stack to read. So that pretty much covers everything. I was thinking ‘desserts’, that is to say nothing AFTER dinner. So I can eat cookies midday and that does not count. This would not include warm milk, which might help me sleep, but I cannot add chocolate to it. Or whipped cream, a run of chocolate and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Well maybe JUST the cinnamon in my milk, that’s really nothing.

I will defer it if I am going out for dinner at a nice restaurant; the point for this is that I would not be going out to that particular place for dessert only, unless it is a specific dessert place that we go AFTER eating dinner. In that case (example: Juniors), I can always take a big hunk of cheesecake home (and eat it for breakfast! Yeah that’s right, I can have it for breakfast. Just try and stop me from slathering it on my pancakes!), it’s close and easy to get to for me (probably one of the best attributes of NYC besides the Met museum that I can think of), and that whenever I go to Junior’s to eat, I am either too full from eating the huge portions and generous sides. Or too buzzed- because holy crap they make some strooooong drinks. Since alcohol and sugar are direct relatives, having one and the other can easily lead to getting sick to your stomach, I almost always avoid it.

Speaking of booze, cordial drinks or ‘nightcaps’ do not count, be they Port, Sambuca, Amaretto, or Bailey’s, because, like warm milk they help me sleep and I need all the help I can get. Then again, I don’t really drink them that often, so it would be like giving up fast food, which I can do 40 days of being away from. Maybe that’s not a fair comparison; alcohol has even the slightest chance of having a benefit for your health, is very satisfying, and I’ll wager you can’t tell me when a couple of Big Macs have made a person more appealing in personality or looks.

Ok well scratch those last two. According to my assistants, who are not buzzkills, but the voices of reason to my wayward antics and crazy ideas, cinnamon in warm milk is a dessert (this required some debate), and cordials were immediately shot down. I’m glad that they are secure enough to be honest with me, as well as having no fear that I will have them punch out for the day and send them into the dreary windy Firday, especially since today is so incredibly slow that we can have deep introspective conversations like this ‘on the clock’.

As well as ‘giving something up’ it follows along my POV that if you can give it up for 40 days, maybe it’s part of a lifestyle change for the better. For example, I am pretty sure I gave up playing Mafia Wars/Vampire Wars last year, and haven’t played since. Yes I know my (naturally human) addictive personality has been replaced by yet another Zynga game. I know there are no copyrights on Hangman, but seriously, Milton Bradley has sued the shit out of everyone who even puts a triple word score box on a screen. Must feel good to be a gangsta.

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Filed under Creative Writing, Day In the Life, Food, Rants, Whining

TGIW (Thank Goodness I’m Whining)

Whining – yeah I had a lot of complaining to do. It’s all justified! The world sometimes decides to turn in the oppostie direction for me. I react in kind.

Firstly last week, I was opening my blueberry Chobani yogurt when I noticed it was a little blue-er than usual. Also fuzzier. How does yogurt mold?! I guess Chobani must have less preservatives than typical yogurt or what not. This also brings up that endlessly unfunny pun about what bacteria-laden yogurt becomes when it goes bad – milk? Cream? Hardy har. Nope I guess it just goes ’badder’.

So I called them up right then, and got through to an operator quickly, which means that they are no inundated with calls about their ironic yogurt. Hipster Yogurt if you will. Please don’t.

Phone Operator Lady gave enough sad vocal inflections of empathy to comfort my harrowing experience and assured me that coupons would be on the way, to pat my head, tell me everything would be ok and fill mah belleh.

 Sure enough, a mere 4 days later, a hand-written addressed envelope arrived with coupons inside. Four of ‘em!

Whining_2.

So there I was ordering from Secondspin.com *no I will not automatically link them, do it yo bad self* as they were having one of their usual limited time (until the next time they have a sale which will be right after the current one; maybe not as good a deal as the one that they had before, but they are set up to rotate, so if you miss it just wait a month or two, because really anything you buy there is not something you need right this second – if it was you would have ordered it at the time you saw the sale, like I did, which is the point of this entry) offers.

So while searching, I found a 2DVD set of THX1138 and The Matrix. If you are a nerd, you just climaxed (by yourself, which is normal). For the other 99% (no not you Occupiers, sit the fuck down), you don’t care or are preparing to make fun of me. Bam! Added to my shopping cart with other stuff, all while ignoring your mockery.

An acceptable amount of time passes (standard shipping) and finally I get it! Hurrah! Only it’s delivered to my parents’ house, even though I set my new address the same as my billing one (which also means I haven’t ordered from them in a long while, sale or no sale). Whatevs. So I pop it open and everything is there. Only thing – the DVD is The Matrix, and only The Matrix. ‘The One’ if you will (Please don’t). Argh.  Dammitall. So I write to them explaining the situation and trying not to sound like the whiny pathetic nerd I am, and they responded, as they promise, within a day.  Have no fear, nerd, we have the correct copy coming for you. Just hold on to what you got as a token of our sorryness.

So I wait, again, for a reasonable amount of time, and about a week or two later, Zaloom! It arrives at my parents’ house, again. I grab the envelope, open it up…it’s another copy of The Matrix! OMGWTFBBQ?! Now it’s just awesomely bad. Two copies of a movie that is incorrect. I email them yet again, and tell them that at this point I have two copies of a movie that is incorrect and I don’t want them, yet I am not willing to pay to ship them back. Never fear nerd, they wrote back (again within a day as they promise) here is a shipping label. Send them back and we will credit or refund your account. Now I just need to swipe an envelope from my office in a fearless act of misappropriation and I am set!

Whining_3.

                Well more of a rant. I cannot stand the downstairs neighbor. He plays his TV loudly (watches old sitcoms, yeah it’s that loud you can tell what show it is by the elaborate theme songs shows USED to have), and puts on oldies – I mean really old oldies. DUSTIES. 95% sure they are records/LPs. At 2am (yes I am an insomniac; I guess he is too). Anyway he sings loudly; usually to his cat. Typical old guy who is going deaf but too cheap to buy a hearing aid. Probably thinks it will make him look/feel old. Hate to give him the news.  But yes it is bad enough that a note on his door will have to be left.

Whining_4.

                Dear Snow,  
Falling on a weekend is pointless, as instead of a SNOW DAY (as in day off work) you are merely a snowy day. Note the lack of emphasis. Pick either a Sunday evening (11pm) or Thursday, same time. I appreciate your time, and hope to see a nice blanket of you during Smarch at the latest, but not when I am looking to leave on vacation.
The B_T
Movie Reviews are next, and I will wonder if I can include movie posters for the shows. I will attempt it!

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Filed under Complaints, Creative Writing, Day In the Life, Rants, Uncategorized, Whining

A Bowl of Supe!

There’s nothing like the Super Bowl, and even better when a team that you don’t hate plays a team that you loathe.

As a Steelers and Jets fan, I don’t mind the Giants **I ignore local rivalries, such as my indifference to the Mets, concentrating my loathing completely towards the Red Sux, though I admit I loathe the NY Rangers – and pity my NY Islanders** , but I do have a deep middle-fingering towards the Dallas Cowgirls and the New England Patriettes. So, in a case like this I say GO GIANTS. I’ll even put up with the BS of a parade, full of 2 million obnoxious NYers locking up the streets around my job in lower Manhattan, just to see them humiliate Tom Lady once again.

So what makes the Super Bowl even more funner than a regular football game? Well the snacks are one thing. Commercials are another. Most of all though…prop bets! More specific, creative and bizarre than normal betting, prop bets take odds on all the hype of the Super Bowl; from the coin toss, halftime show and even the color of Gatorade that is poured on the winning coach, these bets cover all the bases.  

Here are a few that I organized from various websites. Feel free to print out and play along! I haven’t made my own bets yet, but am working on it – may update before the game and post my results!

  1.  Length of Kelly Clarkson’s National Anthem. Over 1 minutes 34 seconds/Under 1 minute 34 seconds
  2.  Kelly Clarkson wardrobe: SB or NFL shirt /Colts Jersey shirt /NY Jersey shirt /NE Jersey or shirt /Anything else
  3.  Will Kelly Clarkson’s bare belly be showing when she sings? Yes No
  4.  Coin Toss: Heads /Tails
  5.  Will the team that scores first win the game?  Yes       No
  6.  The last score of the first half will be: Field goal         Any other score
  7.  Will Madonna wear fishnet stockings at any point during Super Bowl 2012 halftime show? Yes  No
  8.  Will Madonna wear an NFL Jersey or shirt during halftime show? Yes   No
  9.  Will Madonna wear a hat at any point during the Super Bowl 2012 halftime show? Yes   No
  10.  Will Madonna kiss another woman during the show ? Yes      No
  11.  Tom Brady’s longest pass completion? Over under 42.5 yards
  12.  How many passing yards will Giants’ quarterback Eli Manning throw for? Over under 315-1/2        
  13.  How many receiving yard will Giants’ wide receiver Victor Cruz have? Over 89-1/2  Under 89-1/2
  14.  Total catches for Victor Cruz? Over 6    Under 6
  15.  Total sacks for Giants’ defense end Osi Umenyiora. Over ½    Under ½
  16.  How many times will Peyton Manning (Colts quarterback) be mentioned on TV? Over 3-1/2  Under 3-1/2
  17.  How many viewers will stream the Super Bowl online? Over 1.5 million   Under 1.5 million           
  18.  Who will catch a Pass first?  Hakeem Nicks (NYG) WR      Deion Branch (NE) WR   
  19.  Who will catch a Pass first?  Victor Cruz (NYG) WR    Aaron Hernandez (NE) TE  
  20.  Who will score a TD first in the game?  Victor Cruz (NYG) WR  Aaron Hernandez (NE) TE
  21.  Team to get a penalty first? NY           NE
  22.  Will there be a Challenge? Yes  No
  23.  If betting yes, what team will challenge first? NY        NE
  24.  Will Team win Challenge? Yes            No      
  25.  Will there be a score in the first 5 minutes 30 seconds of the first quarter? Yes          No
  26. Will there be a score in the last 5 minutes of the fourth quarter?  Yes No
  27. Will broadcasters mention Manhattan and New England Clam Chowders? Yes    No

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