Category Archives: Rants

Ketchup With Us #33: The Passed

Ms Mel and ODNT want to know in 57 words or less, or more, anything at all!. Ketchup With Us

I was pretty good with last year’s resolution (and I have 3 receipts from this week to go through), and around two years ago, I found out I had already set this blog in motion. So if anything, the new year is a great excuse to get back into it.

Every year I am healthy, working, respected and not worrying about finances is a better day than a lot of others. However, 2013 took a downward turn on many levels which I will not get into, and I am going to have to work harder to make 2014 more memorable, since a regular pace will not give me the impression of momentum. So, some ‘lofty’ or at least numerous goals, most of which will be documented in this blog, which means more for you to read (yay?!).

The first:
• 120 blog posts  – 1 every 3 days average, very doable. Yes Mr. G, you have gotten used to my in and out on posting, slamming the screen door every damn time  as well. I am sure most of you have. I promise at least some consistency.
Speaking of which…
• Keep up on reading you. Yes, you *Points to you*. I truly enjoy your posts.

• 52 pages of original storywriting (yes this includes the Zombie Bunnies, which has been on hiatus for >6 months)
• 26 writing challenges (which could be done just by Ketching Up, but there is always Trifecta!)

• 52 Books read
• 52 movies watched
• 12 new recipes (not necessarily original ideas)
• 12 new cocktails
• 12 new restaurants
…and reviews of each one of these.

• 12 photo posts (a month in photos-type dealie).
• Meet 12 new people. One way or another. *(I will not review the people, but if we meet in a new restaurant, they/I will review their food/drinks. Which means a new burger joint, Mr G.)
• Meet the most famous and inspiring Ms. ODNT and MelMags, because, if you read them, you want to meet them and the ketchup costumes. Yes you do.

• 2 vacations in which I travel, domestic (I have some ideas – if you have any ideas, I am sure they are to YOUR home town, in which case, name the restaurant that you are taking me to so we can review it!)
• Beat every video game I have started (if this includes anything in the Grand Theft Auto series, it doesn’t mean get 100%, if this phrase means anything to you).
• Be elected to my co-op board (2-3 neighbors are already grooming me to run)
• Be re-elected to the Staff council at work (I am the chair). However, this is voided if I achieve the goal; of a new, better job.
• To whatever point I progress in or complete any/all of these, Enjoy every minute.


Filed under About Me, Life, Lists, Rants, Resolutions

The Sounds That Bring Fury

I entered this contest by Northwest Mommy (click box for her), which I found through Ms. Worrell. It’s all about networking. Also about new ideas!

The topic for this week is/are: The 10 sounds I cannot stand.

1. Tim McCarver / Joe Buck or Michael Kay being the announcers for baseball/football/ nascar/etc. I am always thankful when Fox isn’t showing the event. Joe Buck announces like he’s explaining to kids how the game is played.

2. The sound of construction, especially when jackhammers are present. There is always a ton of that going on around NYC, always in different phases with their associated cacophony.

3.Trucks downshifting/bus brakes squealing. Tie that in with #2 and that’s what I hear most mornings before 9am.

4. Glass breaking. What a horrible high pitched sound that is. It unnerves me- one time in particular, a glass jar smashed about a foot from me in a small room. Between the unexpected-ness of it and the sound, it gave me a supreme headache.

5. Idiotic cell phone conversations. They are always the loudest, and usually unintelligible (in English or not). There are never any conversations involving treasure chests. WHY IS THIS? There is no cell phone service in the subways (for now, and I hope never), so the best part of any ride is any that is underground.

6. Kids carrying on in restaurants. Ok, so I understand, sometimes people want to take their kids out. Sometimes they can’t find a sitter. I would be fine with it, if that family were in another restaurant on another planet. Let ‘em scream their heads off there! There might even be those parents who think the child is just expressing themselves. I have a way of expressing myself too, along with interpretative dance. Want me to perform next to you while you eat? Aw, why not? *note: babies who sit there babbling and drooling while doing those little fidgeting motions in their chair are usually cute, and are therefore acceptable.

7. Protests that consist of couplet phrases, especially “2, 4, 6, 8…”. Not too long ago, people wrote entire SONGS protesting things. They make records and everything. Yours is barely haiku length. Get a guitar and start working on it.

8. The sound of the Red Sox winning the World Series. Seeing it is just as bad. The bitter taste is pretty awful too. Actually you know what; it offends all the senses, (including ESP). Their futility was something I was hoping to hand down to my kids.

These guys led the Red Sox victory parade.

9. When the lady reading the live lottery drawing reads off numbers that aren’t on my ticket(s). That annoys the hell out of me every time, especially when I have already spent part of my expected winnings.

10. My phone ringing, while I am at work writing this post. True story. Someone must want something. WTF is that about?!

Well why should I concentrate only on the negatives? Besides the fact it is the assignment. Here are some things I enjoy hearing:

1. 80’s music. Even songs I didn’t like back then are great for me now. Even when those songs are used for commercials with butchered alternate lyrics to fit the product. Right now Liberty Mutual is using Human League’s “Human” as background music; not sure if you can claim “Just being human” in the accident report. It sure doesn’t work in court!

2. Crows cawing to each other. The more the merrier (ironically they are called murders). Yes I know, it is a horrible screeching sound. That’s the point, they are communicating some important crow-related info, not just clucking or cooing. See my other list, and really, wouldn’t you rather hear this any day than bratty kids or jackhammers?

3. “We have a winner!” in any contest, even if it’s Bingo with old people. Yes I have beaten old people…at Bingo.

4. “Not guilty, by reason of awesomeness” (Jury deliberated for like 5 minutes and that included bathroom breaks). You might be thinking, wouldn’t it be better to be found guilty of being awesome? Well, that’s just crazy talk there. And going back to #1, that claim has never worked either.

5. Cicadas rustling in the trees. Bonus when they are in several different trees and each pick up where the other left off, like it is a competition. To me, it means the dog days of summer are here, but it is usually the morning when I hear them, still not too hot. A nice start.

6. “And the Yankees have defeated the Red Sux…I mean Sox…wait, I did mean Sux.”

Gotta love traditions.

7. The Star Wars fanfare. Even with the prequels, at least the movies START awesomely.

8. “Mr. Lucas is on the phone. He wants to know what color you want your fully fuctional lightsaber to be.” (note_2: blue or green)

9. The wind blowing and rustling leaves. As with cicadas in summer, this usually means early summer or the middle of fall. A bonus when it’s nice cool weather and I can hear/see the leaves fall and skitter along the ground/concrete.

10. Absolute silence. Sometimes that is the best thing to hear.


Filed under Complaints, General Nerdliness, Humor, Life, Rants, Writing, Writing Challenges

The Ol’ Take and Give

No I haven’t gone anywhere. After a few busy weeks, I have decided that work can wait a little and I can return to my diligence of reading your blogs and other more interesting activities, especially in light of a few important wordpress-related honors.

Firstly, thank you for your notes and comments thus far, especially with The Zombie Bunnies saga, which will continue again very soon. I write it as I go, but have managed to weave a plothole-less story so far! I MIGHT actually write something that is not guided by prompts!

Secondly I got this award:

From Sheila Hurst. Nope no fancy moniker, but that’s the point. Her writing is just as forward and honest. Check her out!

Ironically my blog was ‘spoesda have more varied ideas but then Zombie Bunnies came along from those fateful Trifecta prompts, but I accept this anyway!

I also made the short list from CookieMama. She cooks. She’s a Mama. She also writes, but left that part out. She does all three things awesomely.

With great power and accolades, come assignments. This is two parts. First, I have to post 7 things about me.

  1. My name isn’t Brian Tomahawk, its Peter Brain-Tomahawk. Well not exactly.
  2. Every time I type the word ‘the’, it comes out as ‘teh’. EVERY time. Autocorrect is absolutely pissed off at me.
  3. I am currently taking a Chinese language course (speaking/Pinyin only, not characters). I am enjoying it immensely, probably because it is voluntary, not required. The learnin’ never stops.
  4. I eschew $100 million blockbusters for cheesy B horror movies. You can pretty much figure out that is where my inspiration for Zombie Bunnies comes from. If ZB ever becomes a movie, I would prefer if James Cameron stayed far away from it.
  5. My drawing style is Cro-Magnon. There are petroglyphs that are Sistine Chapels in comparison, which means that if you play Draw Something and/or Pictionary with me, it’s actually MORE fun, because bad drawings are hilarious then. I do take damn good pictures though, so that is my other creative expressivity.
  6. I have two cats. Yes I will do a “Show and Tell” on them, since you just read that and said “AWW KITTIES!”
  7. My favorite pizza toppings are onions, mushrooms, garlic, spinach, olives and pepperoni. I have never had ham/pineapple on a slice, which does not appeal to me at all. The only thing that could be worse is BBQ chicken pizza.

Second part – I recommend people to you. Basically you should read and follow them all.

OldDogNewTits – come for the name, stay for the satire. She’s a ticking time bomb…of hilarity! So forget the bomb squad, just cut whatever wire you want.

Lance’s life has a soundtrack, a plot and a message. So he’s like your favorite 80’s movie.

Everyday Tangents — a tangent or rant every day keeps us sane. She’s a student – you were once. She likes ketchup, and you don’t call it catsup either (who the hell does?). So you have so much in common. Now…GO!

BudgetCookingBlog – A professional chef shows us how to make the quick and easy meal look and taste gourmet-style, proving that no recipe is ‘above’ you.

OhmygawdjustdowhatIsay – . Yes she is a mom. If you are a mom, you’ve wanted to scream that once or twice and can relate, so go and bond. If you had a mom, then go to her and see what you probably put your own mother through. Then call your mom and apologize for not just doing what she said when she said it. Because she said so that’s why.

SightsNBytes shares the images and memories that run through his mind and out his fingers. THAT is what blogging is all about. He also has a storyline ongoing right now, that you need to get in on!

BlueJellyBeans – Again, quick and do-able recipes that feed your souls as well. I am backed up with her recipe ideas; we should all have such problems. Also Blueberry Jelly Belly beans are my favorite.

JenniferWorrell – There is a lesson here; if you have the stories to tell that she does, then you are obligated to tell them. It is…your destiny.

JannaTWrites — A fellow dutiful Trifectan, she can mold any prompt into a quality entry, and it can come from any direction. One thing is guaranteed, it will be a good read.

Imelda — A newbie to me at least, so if you start reading her now, we’ll both discover her honest, frank writing/poetry/photos, and brag about how we knew her back when.

Basically though, anyone here should click on everyone up there, but also down there, who comments or likes this or any of my blog posts – the thing you have in common is that you are both here, so check each other out. Guaranteed you will like what you see.

My apologies if I missed you this time around, especially if I missed you blogspotters, since I have to check 2 different favorites menus; you will make it to my blogroll, whenever I get around to putting it up (if you know of a good format for it, let me know).

Thanks again! We will return to our regularly scheduled ZB mayhem by week’s end. Till then, time to catsup with you all.


Filed under Creative Writing, Day In the Life, Life, Rants, Uncategorized, Writing

Highly Debatable

Yes this is a long one – in case you want to skip to what my point is.

To go past everything, and be part of the peanut gallery.

Otherwise, get comfy!

When the internet was given to Earthlings by alien beings (well assuming they did give it to us, not my other theory that like a bunch of jerks we just swiped it from the computer systems on the Roswell/Area 51 craft, much like in the way the folks at Cyberdyne were stumped on how to create Terminators until *spoiler alert for the one person who never saw it* one got squished  in a nearby factory) sometimes I wonder if they did it to help boost our technological advancements in a non-direct way, (like when someone anonymously leaves you Odor-Eaters on your desk, so as to spare your feelings when you obviously got some major feet stanks goin’ on)  so that we could build spaceships and come by their house once in a while because they were tired of having to visit us all the time, considering how long it took and the price of whatever they use as fuel (solar cells/batteries would not be effective as they would not be able to focus/charge on our sun until about Mars at least). It is understandable, you very likely have family/friends like that. Or feet stanks.

Anyway…what if they did it to be jerks, allowing us (if my other theory is true) to have access to their technology by staging an accident/crash at Roswell, and totally obvious passwords to their user accounts (knowing that we would swipe anything valuable from it)? Rather than to advance us, it was to ruin us, so that we would completely ignore the idea of space travel for more important things, like downloading pr0n, creating games where various breeds of birds commit suicide for the greater good of destroying pigs, stealing music from each other, and arguing about politics.

Ok so I have done some of those. One which I avoid as much as possible is *Insert subtle segue into main topic* argue about politics. Notice I didn’t say debate, discuss, palaver, consider, have civilized dialogue on, enlighten, humbly express oneself, empathize or contribute accurate information about. My politics, as with many other parts of my life, are based on my life experiences, and if you are looking to change my life experience, I would rather you pass along harems of swimsuit models. Or the winning lottery numbers. Or the winning lottery numbers hidden somewhere on the harem of swimsuit models.

There are topics that I consider to be important – points of view that emerge  when you break down and take away outside news, stimuli and worldy interference. These  are the things that mean the most to us. I have found that these ‘traditional’, way-we-were-raised, everyday ideas and beliefs best define who we are, and are much more entertaining, enlightening and definitive, with the added bonus that when revealed, create a deep and usually hilarious divisiveness among us, even in their bitterness. We’d defend our beliefs on these issues to the death!(well no we wouldn’t, but it’s nice to think it for a moment).

Here are some examples that help get me through each day and strengthen my resolve/character:

New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox. Probably the most bitter rivalry in all of professional sports. Personally I am proud to be part of this rivalry, and even happier that I support the better half that is the Yanks. It’s helped my posture to not endlessly hang my head in shame. Until 2003 I had a wonderful legacy to pass along to my children. Eh I still do, as the Red Sux’ feats will always be outnumbered by their defeats. Some of my fondest memories were the late 80’s/early 90’s when the Yanks and Sux were bottom dwellers in the American League East, and maybe 25,000 would show up to the Stadium to hash it out with one another about who might be bad, “but at least we beat YOUR asses!” I will admit though that having been to a game last year, both Yankee and Sux fans were being incorrigible assholes. Like I said, it was more fun when they were both bad.

Please note that the Yankees/Mets rivalry is mainly fizzled out; they play in interleague, they had the 2000 World Series. All loathing and bad wishes must be dedicated to keeping the Sox out of  the playoffs; even if the Yanks don’t win it all, as long as Boston flounders, all is well. On the chance the Sox play the Mets, you root for the Mets. If the Sox play a team full of arch-villainous, nun-slapping, candy- from-children-stealing, terrorist litterbugs, guess who you root for. Right answer!

New York Giants vs. New England Patriots. Though I am a Jets fan/sympathizer, the rivalry technically goes to them, since it is a divisional thing. Also they have sparred in recent years in the playoffs, with the Jets wonderfully knocking the Patriettes out back in ‘10-‘11. The Patties routinely have the last laugh though, as beating the Jets contributes to their overall record. However, now that the ‘Gints have beaten them twice in the Super Bowl, a deep hate is brewing. It truly is a wonderful thing that BOTH teams in one city can have a rivalry with a specific opponent.

Another note; everyone hates the Dallas Cowgirls. Which is good. (Except the cheerleaders; make some noise when they shake their…pompoms. Some things are bigger than the game).

Also, for some reason a lot of people hate Ohio State. Which is fine by me. My ire towards them is related to my cousin’s ex-husband , who was an Ohio State fan, but even more so, a total schmuck. 

Star Wars vs Star Trek. Well I like both of them, and both have become definitive examples of science fiction, especially on the movie/tv medium, but I have to go with Star Wars by a long shot. I can go on about The Millennium Falcon vs. the Enterprise in a space battle. Probably for a longer time than it would take for the Falcon to take on any version of the Enterprise. That’s right, I went there.  If the Original and Next Generation versions teamed up, Han and Chewie might break a sweat.  

Keep in mind that even though this is a general us vs. them rivalry, there is even more internal debating. For the Trek, it’s always a question of who is the better Enterprise captain. I admit that I was a Kirk traditionalist, but after watching the Next Generation series on Netflix all the way through (don’t worry, I didn’t do it over a weekend. More like 2 weekends. I kid, I kid), I gotta go with Picard. Is there a Scotty vs. LaForge engineer debate, who would win in a Romulan / Klingon war or Uhura vs Troi hotness comparison?

With Star Wars, it will inevitably lead to “Who was the greatest Jedi?” I personally go with Obi-Wan Kenobi, since, as a Padawan he defeated Darth Maul, and later killed General Grievous, and essentially destroyed Anakin/Vader. He did inexplicably lose to Count Dooku, twice in fact, and sacrificed himself to Vader but overall a very active and good record. Other arguments include issues that relate to the original trilogy vs. prequels, and of course Expanded Universe, which includes hundreds of books, graphic novels, storylines, characters and ‘continuation’ of those stories. But I am not that bad. Ok yes I am. I will hold back though 😉

Outside link: Check out Last Hero Standing for more video game/scifi/comic/general geek matchups.

Ok well, let’s bring this to a level ‘normal’ people can relate to:  

Peanut butter. That’s right, good ol’ PB.

The food that launched a thousand ships.

But, what’s the rivalry you ask? (probably regretting  that you ask, even as the words pass through your mind).

Well, ask yourself the following: What kind of PB do you like? Smooth, crunchy or super crunchy?

Jif, Skippy, or some other brand?

Where do you store it after opening, in the fridge or cupboard?

I eat Jif. Smooth. I keep it in the cupboard. Like it’s supposed to be! “But that’s not right!”  I hope you are saying. (Hell, at this point I hope you are still reading!) At least one PB attribute I listed disagrees with what you have been raised to believe. And you will defend your PB, and your honor, to the death. (again, not really…but maybe)

Sorry but you are wrong! Ohhh I really got you fumed now huh! We were doing so well here, what with you not caring if Uruha’s microskirts are better than Troi’s bodysuits. But this is what I am trying to say. It’s the small things. The things you were raised to accept as true. One of my best friends likes Skippy, Super Crunchy, and stored in the fridge. I suggested (as in taunting her)that she just smear it on her bread with razor blades if she wanted to shred every slice she had. (Yes we are still friends).

Ok well maybe you have a Peanut allergy and still I have not struck a nerve. Well, I got one for you:

Which way should the toilet paper hang, over or under?

I’m under, all the way. You pull down to unroll, then yank up to break it off. Simple. The roll does the work of helping you cut off a perfect piece for your bizness. Over is incorrect. If I am at your house and it is the other way, I might change it! You’re welcome.

Well here is where I turn it to you! Audience participation is always fun.

What are some rivalries or seemingly insignificant disagreements that you would/have ended friendships or affiliations on (and justifiably so!)?

*Credit to RichFullLife for inspiring this idea of deep debates on obscure questions!


Filed under Debates, General Nerdliness, Politics, Rants

A Drop in the Bucket

For many years, many blogs, journals, spaces, faces, etc. I have read about the bucket lists, paths to happiness, 365/365 (except leap years), 101’s 1001’s, 50 things in 2012,  Mo’s and other various projects. I’ve even taken part in them, and sometimes actually ‘win’ them. Usually not though. Especially not NaNoWriMo.  

This doesn’t build my cynicism towards them (one of the very short list of things that do not irritate me), nor will I mock any person’s attempt to achieve their goal, short or long-term. On the contrary, I am one of those ‘enablers’, who tells you to buy those shoes, that electronic device, that SuperBurger Deluxe with Cheese, because like that little voice, I know you want it. Yes you do. Go for it. You’re welcome! So the lesson for today is, don’t tell me what you want to do, unless you want to do it. Which you do. Yes you do.

We have goals. It’s the reason long-term memory was included in the evolution upgrade. Or maybe not. So we’re essentially obligated to have goals, like how we’re guilted into using Mail Merge on MSOffice because we paid so much for it, and wind up only using maybe five Word features, including bold and Lucida Calligraphy (for those special announcements).  In other words, by all means I should have a bucket full of goals and stuffs.

Ok! Win the lottery! *drop*. Into the ol’ bucket it goes.

Really, because after that, the possibilities are endless. Even things that I have no idea right now that I want to do, I will. I can now travel around the world, or not. I can get my book published, either by bribing the right people or just printing it up myself. I can even buy one of them printing presses and cut out the middle man. Mimeographing is yet another option, and that can guarantee sales, since everyone will buy a copy just to shove it in their face and inhale deeply, without a teacher yelling at them to stop fooling around pass the rest of the tests back.

I will not live this life as if it is a countdown, as though I have to ‘get things done’ before I die. I don’t care how good any person works under pressure, that’s too much. Let’s say I complete it all; then what? Should I have made a loooong list of things, half of which I can seriously accomplish? NO! That leads to the moment, 6 hours from now, or 60 years from now, my last thought would be – “I never got to finish that list or do…” Screw that. I would rather have a list that I build as I go along, as I LIVE, and experience, learn and prosper. My last thoughts would be all I HAVE done in life, the happiness, bittersweet and what has put me on the path to where I am.

What we strive for in life is in a way, futile. The world will turn after we are gone, and it will not remember our high scores, our trips, how good we are in the sack (unless the legends have already started; but still you know how they get changed over generations). We forget as we age, we fall short in our last years of our goals, so the pressure to do them now is always there. We have a life to live though, and should pay more attention to it, as without a job, or responsibilities, we wither and lose our desire for better, as it is pulled from our weak gravitational pull.

I see too much competition, even amongst those who are cohorts, colleagues, or following the same path. No matter how good we are, there is always something better to accomplish? So do we settle, or do we keep that goal, and be content? Should we strive to be rich? To take just one step on every continent in the world? To bang an A-list celebrity? To make yourself a great batch of chocolate chip pancakes with bacon and fresh maple syrup and not feel guilty? Whenever I have an urge for a filet mignon or t bone steak, I go to my favorite butcher shop and pick out a nice chop. I season it the way I want then broil it up, and enjoy. Nothing to it. Not a drop in the bucket; just me, satisfying my need, when I can, and more importantly, because I can.

ImagePlease note that my goal was not to finish it in one sitting. Mission accomplished!

You know what though? Go ahead. Make a bucket list. Get yourself an empty bucket, and fill it up. Not with the things you want to do though. Ah, no!. What you do it, fill it up with everything you have accomplished, everything that you have experienced and every moment that you have been thankful for those things having been part of your life. Yes even the sandwiches. Warren Zevon was right on the money.

I remember all of those honey/maple roasted turkey heros with American cheese lettuce and honey mustard on soft sub rolls that I used to make back in the day. They are not part of my life now, but the memories of that yummliciousness will stay with me always. *drop* In the bucket.

Ok I will admit, I do have goals. I once planned to read Les Miserables (full version), and I did it! Next is Don Quixote, and yes I have it in my bookshelf, a full version. So ok I will have read two of the most amazing books in history, but I will not take that knowledge, the love and amazement at the literacy wonderfulness that is reading, with me when I die. I will do it, regardless of that macabre thinking, for what it gives to me as I live each moment while I read the words and turn each page, then one day finally slapping it closed. Done.


Don’t worry about what you will do with your life. Just enjoy it.

The only disappointment anyone could feel would be that accomplishing, finishing or experiencing anything on any level, is better than the idea that they were ALIVE when it happened, and what each moment brought with it.


Filed under 50 Books in 2012, Books, Creative Writing, Life, Rants, Uncategorized

Ladies and Gentlement, Let’s All Give it up For…Lent!

Trying to figure out what I should be giving up for Lent. No I am not giving up Netflix, cookies, drinking, my phone, or borrowing books when I already have a stack to read. So that pretty much covers everything. I was thinking ‘desserts’, that is to say nothing AFTER dinner. So I can eat cookies midday and that does not count. This would not include warm milk, which might help me sleep, but I cannot add chocolate to it. Or whipped cream, a run of chocolate and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Well maybe JUST the cinnamon in my milk, that’s really nothing.

I will defer it if I am going out for dinner at a nice restaurant; the point for this is that I would not be going out to that particular place for dessert only, unless it is a specific dessert place that we go AFTER eating dinner. In that case (example: Juniors), I can always take a big hunk of cheesecake home (and eat it for breakfast! Yeah that’s right, I can have it for breakfast. Just try and stop me from slathering it on my pancakes!), it’s close and easy to get to for me (probably one of the best attributes of NYC besides the Met museum that I can think of), and that whenever I go to Junior’s to eat, I am either too full from eating the huge portions and generous sides. Or too buzzed- because holy crap they make some strooooong drinks. Since alcohol and sugar are direct relatives, having one and the other can easily lead to getting sick to your stomach, I almost always avoid it.

Speaking of booze, cordial drinks or ‘nightcaps’ do not count, be they Port, Sambuca, Amaretto, or Bailey’s, because, like warm milk they help me sleep and I need all the help I can get. Then again, I don’t really drink them that often, so it would be like giving up fast food, which I can do 40 days of being away from. Maybe that’s not a fair comparison; alcohol has even the slightest chance of having a benefit for your health, is very satisfying, and I’ll wager you can’t tell me when a couple of Big Macs have made a person more appealing in personality or looks.

Ok well scratch those last two. According to my assistants, who are not buzzkills, but the voices of reason to my wayward antics and crazy ideas, cinnamon in warm milk is a dessert (this required some debate), and cordials were immediately shot down. I’m glad that they are secure enough to be honest with me, as well as having no fear that I will have them punch out for the day and send them into the dreary windy Firday, especially since today is so incredibly slow that we can have deep introspective conversations like this ‘on the clock’.

As well as ‘giving something up’ it follows along my POV that if you can give it up for 40 days, maybe it’s part of a lifestyle change for the better. For example, I am pretty sure I gave up playing Mafia Wars/Vampire Wars last year, and haven’t played since. Yes I know my (naturally human) addictive personality has been replaced by yet another Zynga game. I know there are no copyrights on Hangman, but seriously, Milton Bradley has sued the shit out of everyone who even puts a triple word score box on a screen. Must feel good to be a gangsta.


Filed under Creative Writing, Day In the Life, Food, Rants, Whining

TGIW (Thank Goodness I’m Whining)

Whining – yeah I had a lot of complaining to do. It’s all justified! The world sometimes decides to turn in the oppostie direction for me. I react in kind.

Firstly last week, I was opening my blueberry Chobani yogurt when I noticed it was a little blue-er than usual. Also fuzzier. How does yogurt mold?! I guess Chobani must have less preservatives than typical yogurt or what not. This also brings up that endlessly unfunny pun about what bacteria-laden yogurt becomes when it goes bad – milk? Cream? Hardy har. Nope I guess it just goes ’badder’.

So I called them up right then, and got through to an operator quickly, which means that they are no inundated with calls about their ironic yogurt. Hipster Yogurt if you will. Please don’t.

Phone Operator Lady gave enough sad vocal inflections of empathy to comfort my harrowing experience and assured me that coupons would be on the way, to pat my head, tell me everything would be ok and fill mah belleh.

 Sure enough, a mere 4 days later, a hand-written addressed envelope arrived with coupons inside. Four of ‘em!


So there I was ordering from *no I will not automatically link them, do it yo bad self* as they were having one of their usual limited time (until the next time they have a sale which will be right after the current one; maybe not as good a deal as the one that they had before, but they are set up to rotate, so if you miss it just wait a month or two, because really anything you buy there is not something you need right this second – if it was you would have ordered it at the time you saw the sale, like I did, which is the point of this entry) offers.

So while searching, I found a 2DVD set of THX1138 and The Matrix. If you are a nerd, you just climaxed (by yourself, which is normal). For the other 99% (no not you Occupiers, sit the fuck down), you don’t care or are preparing to make fun of me. Bam! Added to my shopping cart with other stuff, all while ignoring your mockery.

An acceptable amount of time passes (standard shipping) and finally I get it! Hurrah! Only it’s delivered to my parents’ house, even though I set my new address the same as my billing one (which also means I haven’t ordered from them in a long while, sale or no sale). Whatevs. So I pop it open and everything is there. Only thing – the DVD is The Matrix, and only The Matrix. ‘The One’ if you will (Please don’t). Argh.  Dammitall. So I write to them explaining the situation and trying not to sound like the whiny pathetic nerd I am, and they responded, as they promise, within a day.  Have no fear, nerd, we have the correct copy coming for you. Just hold on to what you got as a token of our sorryness.

So I wait, again, for a reasonable amount of time, and about a week or two later, Zaloom! It arrives at my parents’ house, again. I grab the envelope, open it up…it’s another copy of The Matrix! OMGWTFBBQ?! Now it’s just awesomely bad. Two copies of a movie that is incorrect. I email them yet again, and tell them that at this point I have two copies of a movie that is incorrect and I don’t want them, yet I am not willing to pay to ship them back. Never fear nerd, they wrote back (again within a day as they promise) here is a shipping label. Send them back and we will credit or refund your account. Now I just need to swipe an envelope from my office in a fearless act of misappropriation and I am set!


                Well more of a rant. I cannot stand the downstairs neighbor. He plays his TV loudly (watches old sitcoms, yeah it’s that loud you can tell what show it is by the elaborate theme songs shows USED to have), and puts on oldies – I mean really old oldies. DUSTIES. 95% sure they are records/LPs. At 2am (yes I am an insomniac; I guess he is too). Anyway he sings loudly; usually to his cat. Typical old guy who is going deaf but too cheap to buy a hearing aid. Probably thinks it will make him look/feel old. Hate to give him the news.  But yes it is bad enough that a note on his door will have to be left.


                Dear Snow,  
Falling on a weekend is pointless, as instead of a SNOW DAY (as in day off work) you are merely a snowy day. Note the lack of emphasis. Pick either a Sunday evening (11pm) or Thursday, same time. I appreciate your time, and hope to see a nice blanket of you during Smarch at the latest, but not when I am looking to leave on vacation.
The B_T
Movie Reviews are next, and I will wonder if I can include movie posters for the shows. I will attempt it!

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Filed under Complaints, Creative Writing, Day In the Life, Rants, Uncategorized, Whining