Tag Archives: ms odnt

A Chocolate Chip off the Old Dog

Dear Nestle Corporation,

Perhaps recently you have received a challenge, double dog dare (not involving buckets of ice, or iced up flagpoles), or other dumbassery humorous rant about the rich warm melty awesomeness of your products.

Well, I am writing to thank you as well! With the addition of dark chocolate chips to your product line, you have accomplished several things. First and foremost, a new chocolate chip ‘option’. Milk Chocolate and Semi-Sweet chips have been the mainstays for a long time; with the addition of Dark Chocolate chips we now have the best of both worlds; the intense flavor of semi sweet chips AND the meltability (not a word, in the dictionary, though I suspect you all have internal buzzwords) of milk chocolate. It is now my go-to for any cookie or baked good that requires it (or if it’s optional, or even if it’s just logically possible).

This leads to a question I have, and I decided that since you have mastered all things chocolate, I would ask. As Ms. ODNT says “Gimme cookies – after all I have my own cow, so the milk sitch is taken care of.” She also says “Never hurts to ask!” (I verified this with her on her FB page. Yes I used trickery, since my Force powers are not quite Master level).

Submitted for your discussion/considerations, the (n) chip cookie. Yes I know, undefined, perhaps even infinite?! How did we get to this point? Well a little unauthorized biography never hurt anyone, so here’s what I have figured out…

First there were chocolate chip cookies. There were also chocolate cookies, and it was inevitable that the two would be spliced together to create double chocolate cookies. At some point afterwards, white chocolate chips crashed the party and the first triple chocolate chip cookie was baked, and enjoyed. Soon claims like ‘ultimate chocolate cookie’ and ‘death by chocolate’ were tossed around, probably because many people don’t know past ‘quadruple’. Including me. So I have the following in mind (which I may or may not have already made, and I will not confirm because if people even suspected I have a cookie like this in my house, well, need I say more?)

  1. A chocolate cookie batter
  2. White Chocolate chips
  3. Milk Chocolate chips
  4. Dark Chocolate chips
  5. Semi-sweet chocolate chips – which means…quintuple chocolate cookies!

But wait! There’s more!

  1. Frosted with melted chocolate – which means…sextuple chocolate cookies! (ok readers, get those ‘a cookie better than sex….tuple?!’ jokes out there).

But wait! There’s even more!

  1. The frosting is spread on the bottom of the cookie and another quintuple chocolate cookie is attached to it. Which means…um…

This is what I wonder – would #7 make it an undecuple cookie ( 5 +6 =11), or would it ‘simply’ be a septuple cookie, as the additional cookie would count as just another ‘topping’?

As well as writing to you, I will be posting this to my blog, asking Ms ODNT to pass it along as well as Ms MelMags (consider also that Mags’ decision on this and anything might be the final word), running a classroom poll, and perhaps asking random people on the street. I feel that we can settle this issue as accurately and chocolaty as possible.

Thank you for your time and for continuing to expand your product, so that our own baking experiences can push the cookie sheet even further.

Peter D.

________

Yes, I will be sending this letter/linking them here.

Yes, Yes I want to know your opinion and/or recipe.

No, I do not have these cookies in my home.

If I did, then yes you can have one.

 

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Filed under Baking, Debates, Food, General Nerdliness, Letters, Polls, Wisdom

June Blogs By Numbers – Six Quotable shows

Ms Mel and ODNT know there is strength in numbers – so write a numbered list this month and they will link YOU up! You have 10 minutes – or as much as you need before June 30th! Ketchup With Us

When looking for wise words and quotes that will get you through each day, or make you smarty-pants level, you should forget world leaders, activists, poets, and definitely forget  anything a celebrity says, or a Facebook meme.

That’s what TV is for and about!

In keeping with the June by Numbers prompt, I took a few shows and quotes that I manage to work into everyday conversation. Chatting with me is a unique experience indeed.

This is just a small sampling. Seriously, I can go all night (That’s what she said), and with that…we begin!

1. The Simpsons. Though I no longer watch new episodes, the early seasons of the show were a gold mine of quotes, and were perfect for the immature teenage/young adult years that I have recently outgrown (that’s a lie, I still use these daily).

“Worst episode ever!”– ‘Episode’ can be substituted with any verb, noun or situation, ever.

What he meant was, Monster Island is actually a peninsula. Best used when someone misunderstands some fact or situation.

Boo-urns. Anytime something is boo- worthy.

D’oh! Need I say more?

2. Family Guy. Another Fox show, Family Guy debuted within reach of the new millenium, was cancelled, then came back bigger than ever a couple years later. It pushed the envelope, and though it is the norm these days, crass un-pc humor is still abound here.

“Vile Woman!” & “Victory is mine!” – Pretty dated at this point, but they served their purposes well.

“Buzz Killington” – Refer to any person who kills the good mood/vibe, as such, or just the situation at hand, as if he had recently been around.

 

3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Sure there are quote from Life of Brian, and the Meaning of Life, but HG is a goldmine of catchphrases. As someone who has pretty much memorized the entire film, including the opening credits, there are just too many to get into at this point.

From migrating coconuts, killer rabbits, French insults and questioning the ruling of kingdoms, yeah there’s just too much. I don’t even know that I fit the quotes into everyday life. That’s a lie, I know exactly how.

“I got better!”. Glad to hear it!

“You tit/silly sod! I fart in your general direction!” are fitting insults for the idiocy/rudeness of others.

If someone asks if you need anything, “Another shrubbery! And place it a little higher for the two level effect and a little path” is a good response. (Keep in mind that you will not really get past the first sentence if they have no idea what you just referred to. If they do get it, the second sentence will elicit even more laughs – if THEY say the next sentence, let them, and bask in your new friendship).

“There are some that call me…Tim?” I use my own name in place when introducing myself (note to self, not at interviews!) But I would sit around with friends and quote randomly, laughing like nerds in our own genre

I should add that I  have not one, not two, but three shorts that make references to the film, mashed up with other themes. Can you figure them out?

5h1rtz
You can thank teefury for that.

4. Star Wars . 

Any place that looks sketchy gets the “you’ll never mind a more wretched hive of scum and villany” treatment.

“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” Again substitute ‘droids’ for the object of your choosing.

“She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts.” – Never refer to a woman in this way. That’s not what you want your last breathing words on Earth to be.

“I am wondering…why are you here”. Any/everyone who comes to your desk or office. Especially company Presidents. Or security, even though you fully know they are there to escort you off the premises. Leave ’em laughin’!

“Use the Force”. Hey it might help!

“Scruffy Nerfherder!” Yeah that’s right, I went there. Want some lotion for that burn?! As a reply to someone who gave you ‘french’ insults from Monty Python, you might not actually be arguing, rather doing a nerdy mashup worthy of a teefury shirt.

5. Regular Show – I have just started getting into this show, but already I am hooked. Yes I know you have liked it for longer than I have.
“Free cake!” is a great quote to celebrate by. Even if there is no cake around, you never know, some might appear. If you use the Force.

6. Archer . A newer FX/Netflix instant show with plenty of cursing, crass humor and drinking.

“Into the Danger Zone!” A ‘suffix’ for any (in your opinion) extreme activity coming up.
“This is how you get ants!” Referred to any messes (even non-food items) that are around.

That’s all I can fit into past 10 minutes – what are some of your TV/movie quotes?

 

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Filed under Blog Posts BY Number, General Nerdliness, Life, Lists, Quotes, Writing Challenges

7 Cool Summer Activities – AKA the Ice Bucket List

Ms Mel and ODNT know there is strength in numbers – so write a numbered list this month and they will link YOU up! You have 10 minutes! Ketchup With Us

Will I do them all? Well I already know I don’t have enough time, but as long as I keep hydrated and wear spf 100, I could get through what is predicted as a hot and humid couple of months.

I admit I went way over 10 minutes, but they will forgive me, as I am slightly adored by them.

1. Water-based activities. Well does going rowing in Central Park count? Or Splish Splash? I hear Lazy River Tubing in Harper’s Ferry is fun (even though apparently the coolest family that lived there just moved). Or fishing off the coast of Long Island. I definitely want to get to Montauk by the end of summer. Go to the beach – I’ve been exermasizing, and have a new swimsuit, so off I should go. But I hate sitting out in the sun, it’s boring! So much for solar energy right…right?! (Is this thing on?). At least one day out though, with decent suntan lotion. I am all for safe sunbathing, but I always buy an SPF that blocks out every ray. Like black hole strength or something, so I wind up getting no color at all. Which makes me wonder if I did tan, I should definitely keep the beard, I might wind up with a terrible tan line!

2. Go to the movies. Considering I have already put off seeing Godzilla several times, I should really get my ass to a chilly theater. This is a terrible waste of a perfectly nice flask I have.

Every good Rebel had one.

Every good Rebel had one.

I should note that off-broadway plays, independent music venues, and museums are also well ventilated, and offer plenty of entertainment.

3. Wine tasting. There are tons of vineyards in New York State, but unless you are planning a weekender, I can’t understand enabling people to drive in, drink wine all day and then hop back on the road. Seriously, be safe people. You could always just hit up a local liquor store or farmer’s market for tastings and advice on local and famous brand (just be sure to buy something once in a while!)

h0td4wg

                 Summer doesn’t count without this.

4. Fine Dining outdoors. Yes this includes picnics. No, not in Central Park. NYers seem to think this is the only park in existence. Bear Mountain perhaps. Complete with fine wine (but not an all day tasting).  Outdoors also includes poolside or rooftop BBQ’s. I will get myself invited one way or another. I promise not to cannonball (pool not roof!). Ok that is a lie, I will absolutely splash you all. The finest of dining would be a corn/hot dog and cheese fries at Nathan’s. Yes the one in Coney Island – that’s the only one in existence in my universe. And riding the Cyclone. BEFORE the hot dog. I cannot stress that enough.
5. Indoor fine dining – If I want to get fancy pants, a trip out to City Island – I hear the seafood is amazing. Juniors, before it closes and re-opens within the putrid bowels of overpriced NYC housing. Burgers with a buddy (yes, you), is always fine dining, even If the place is a dive or trendy place.

abelburger

 I’ll be Abel to finish this, not problem.

6. Fireworks. No not doing them – I really miss those days. But a good show, and that they are done every weekend in Coney Island is good. And yes you can eat hot dogs during the show, even though it’s already past 10pm.

7. Baseball! The sport of summer. Major leagues though – forget it. Too far too expensive and too crowded, especially with mass transit. Minor leagues! The Yanks and Mets both have teams around here. Cheaper seats that aren’t half a mile back and lot of fan interaction and fun.

Whatever I do though, I should keep a bottle of water in my pack (on those non-flask days) and a Zamzee strapped to my belt.

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Filed under Ketchup With Us, Life, Life in NYC, Lists, New York City, Prompts, Travel, Writing

Eight H Songs

So I am double linking this idea for maximum exposureness, and also because inspiration came from all angles!

First, would be for From My Write Side, who in turn linked from Ambling & Rambling. Songs with an H theme. Since H is the 8th letter of the alphabet, my twist is 8 songs/albums/bands that start with the letter H.

Also since this is a numbered list, it goes along with Ms ODNT and Melmags in their June Blog Post by Numbers Month activity (and you thought they were just about Ketchup and angry letters.)

Sorry but I will not link these up to Youtube or something, because coding gives me headaches sometimes. If you are curious go for it!

1. H. by Tool – From the CD Aenima, it was one of my favorite albums of the mid 90’s. I played this straight through pretty much every day, and then the favorites over again. My friends and I put our own interpretations on the lyrics, a typical fawning gesture. Yet we were the same people who rolled their eyes when people would go on in the same manner about Radiohead. Looking back, yes we were those obnoxious fans. Such is life. Anyway H. is about inner conflicts, ‘the snake’ is mentioned throughout the song, likely a symbol of temptation and self-serving choices, which even if good or bad for us, are to our benefit first and foremost. With the drowned snake at the end, we have regret. The song fades into the sound of a record reaching the end, and the needle cycling through white noise.

2. Hope Tonight – a new CD (and a title track) by my friend Melanie Penn. What’s it like? Well I’ll tell ya…

Maybe things haven’t been going so well lately. After a gloomy end to 2013 (from Fall through November), and a snow filled start to 2014, as early as February, things may have looked to be just more of the same. Even the few nice days have been bookmarked by rainy weather. We deserve more. A song perhaps. One that doesn’t force rhymes, and that doesn’t take too long to learn.
But now it’s Spring (I think it is), the days are lasting longer, and now something else has come up among the flowers. Right now, you can purchase “Hope Tonight”, Melanie Penn’s sophomore release! It will remind of you of the hope, happiness, bittersweetness you have, and how much wiser you are from family and your own experiences. I was lucky enough to get a copy some time ago, and it is absolutely brilliant.
So download, listen, listen again, and you’ll hear it, see it, feel it.
It’ll turn around.
Things always turn around.

3. Hurt – Nine Inch Nails. Later Johnny Cash offered his own rendition, probably the best cover of any song, IMHO. The Downward Spiral was brilliant in its raw sound, which I don’t feel they duplicated afterwards. Like with garage bands, when the tech production goes up, and songwriting becomes a process, that cheap, dirty anger gets buffered. Still, this haunting track completed an incredible dark concept album.

4. Heaven Can Wait – Meat Loaf. Bat Out of Hell was a brilliant record. Yes record. I still have it, salvaged from the ol’ heave ho that your record collection rightfully deserves. Anyway, Heaven Can Wait, is the first of two love ballads on the record that are ironically sandwiched in between songs about horny teenage boys and bad bikers looking to score and split on innocent girls. Still, the emotion and sincerity stand out for Mr. Loaf, and I’m sure this song made it’s way onto many wedding dance floors back in the day.

5. High and Dry – Radiohead. The other band that has the annoying fans. The Bends was a foreshadowing of the complex style and vague lyrics that would grow (at least to me) incomprehensible, or at least an in-joke that I wasn’t going to pretend I got. Released in the midst of grunge, it did not fold to that pressure or sound and that’s why its still listenable.

6. Hung – Napalm Death. My first deep foray into grindcore/death metal and it happened by ‘accident’. At the time, I was into Metallica, pretty much the first step in any teen’s basic metal comprehension. Megadeth, Iron Maiden and Sepultura were also staples. Slayer was harder, faster and darker. So when we came across a cassette given to one of us, we put it on and were dumbfounded by the guttural vocals, chaotic guitars and lyrics that were sputtered out, and would stop mid sentence. We smirked, shook our heads, and were going to eject it, when I convinced everyone to just give it a few more minutes. After all what the hell else did we have planned that day? No foreign diplomats were waiting on us to arbitrate any peace treaties. So we sat there, and suddenly, as the song chugged along to the 2:50 mark of the song, the riff comes in. Jaws dropped. Heads banged.

7. Hats off to the Bull – Chevelle. An obvious reference to bullfighting and rooting for the underdog, this album and title track are built around the state of society and culture these days tied in with a traditional ‘sport’ that is criticized for its cruelty and machismo. Probably my favorite CD by Chevelle since Point #1, as they seemed to return to those roots indirectly, but keeping the sound fresh and perfectly done (see my note on NIN about stale, repetitiveness).

8. Head Down and Half – Both off Soundgarden’s Superunknown. This came out 20 years ago and damn I remember buying it with some of the last crumbs of my lean college student budget. The rest I spent on dinner out at Pizzeria Uno’s with my friends, while we listened to it on my portable CD player. I nod and smile just thinking about how dated that sounds. Anyway, those songs in particular were written by bassist Ben Shepherd, and were seemingly out of place among Chris Cornell’s memorable riffs and structure. It took me a while, but I would later get into them, as I would refrain from hitting the ‘skip’ button. That button made things much easier – no need to wear out the ‘ffwd’ button.

(Hidden Track- various) Ahhh you see what I did there?! Hidden tracks are fun things. Nothing was a better sight than when the track listing was different than the listed version. Even better was when there was no extra track, just the last song having seemingly endless minutes of silence before these odd outtakes or messages. There’s an angry parent calling Marilyn Manson’s hotline, a poetic, if not disturbing phone message 15 minutes after track 69 (as if ‘Disgustipated’ wasn’t disjointed enough, and yes we waited those extra 15 minutes- see #6 again for our work schedules), “Iron Gland” stuck between songs on Alice in Chains’ Dirt, a hidden track before the firts track on Korn’s See you on the other Side and Nine Inch Nails, who on Broken, dragged you out to tracks 98 & 99 for the last songs.

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Filed under Life, Lists, Music, Reviews, Writing, Writing Challenges

Ketchup With Us #39 – Four For 4/4

Ms Mel and ODNT Want a linkup, new or old. Maybe there was some awesomeness that went unaccoladed – now’s your chance! Ketchup With Us

I used this chance to revisit a fun thing I do. Four things on the Fourth day of the Fourth Month.

Also I decided to do it in 10 minutes and so each one got the fair shot of rambling, each bit was 2 minutes 30 seconds.

Mr G I will let you know about burgers soon. I have already met with other ‘online friends’- a term that was dubious back in the 90’s but is absolutely acceptable these days. Still I carry a whisper of that doubt, as I guess people see that I get along with so many people in the real world that it is still somehow different. Let me tell you there are people in your own company that you have worked with for years and never met. One professor who starts after I leave for example. We could have stood next to each other at an event and never knew it, when I met him, I realized…that wasn’t true. Anyway, so there are plenty of burger places and apparently a bar hidden upstairs from a five guys. I think though we’ll be going for ostrich burgers and a Guinness. My ending point being that I traveled to other cities to see some friends now time to make a day for the ones right here. Also you others need to come see us.

So I went to Chicago and Dallas and they were both great. I am exhausted and there is too much laundry waiting to be done, but I am glad I did it at this time. It leaves me open for more travels (that is after the next fiscal year rolls over and or after my tax refund comes back in). I got into the restaurants I wanted. I ate well, rested better, and saw the museums. Two things that I rate a city by, and glad to say that both cities passed. Dallas streets have few people and less litter. I spend way too much on souvenirs. I didn’t spend a lot on coffee, and I got some damn good deals on rooms that were right in the middle of town. One more US destination and then I look overseas. In the meantime my passport application sits in my bag, un-mailed. This weekend. I promise.

When I was younger I was apparently cute or precocious enough for my parents to see if I wanted to try out modeling/acting. I landed a few tiny things like textbooks, none of which I read or to my knowledge learned were defaced with devil beards and horns, until I landed an interview with some lady for a movie. “Why do you want to do this?” she asked. “Because my mom wanted me to.” She laughed and I made a good impression. Apparently also I made the short list for a movie about two boys who suddenly grew older and had to deal with this new situation. The script was changed, the movie was Big, and the woman who interviewed me was Penny Marshall. She never gave me a callback. Ah, well at least I am not on any terrible reality shows or dating late 80’s playboy models. And hey I got a paycheck. That’ll do.

So I now have one week until my windows XP machine is somehow no longer worthy of upgrades by Microsoft. I will be simply disconnecting it from the internet and using it for offline activities like games and writing, as I am sure that there will be a field day on XP machines. Well why not just upgrade they say? Well because in buying the upgrade to 7 or 8 and having to upgrade the hardware which is outdated, I will have to spend more than if I bought a new system. So why not just buy a new system, Good idea. I’ll switch to mac like everyone else is doing these days. So, well played Microsoft. Its days like this that I wonder why I got rid of my commodore 64 in the first place. THAT had Zak McKraken on it- which was the best game ever (shout out?). And dot matrix printers only less noisy than modems would be in later years.

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Ketchup With Us #38 – Homeward Bound

Ms Mel and ODNT Are giving you 10 minutes to write something, anything. Ketchup With Us


I’m on my way to Chicago tomorrow morning, returning home Friday. I will post pictures and stories upon my return. Until then, I began to think about whatever travels we go on, we somehow seek home again.

____

What is home to you- Where the heart is? Where your hat is hung? The newly defined dwelling that love turns a house into?
For me it was an apartment building where I spent my formative years. 18 years to be exact, and we lived on the 18th floor. We had 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a balcony. I would sit out there on summer afternoons and ‘plane spot’ – the route to one of the airports was along the way and I would read the rear wing design. Most were American Airlines, sometimes I would see something unique. Alaska Air had an Eskimo on it. I even went to the liberry once and found a book with an entire index of them. The Concord would roar by at 8 or 10 am on weekends, cutting through the air sharp as it looked.

I’ve moved several times since 1995; lived in a house for 3 years, then my parents bought a co-op. I would buy one nearby a couple years later, where I still live. Still in Brooklyn.
I am a vivid dreamer. Colors, words, sounds, the whole shebang. Emotions and tension as well. A vividly detailed dream can be over-stimulating even if it’s a good one, and for someone who watches horror/thrillers, played Quake almost exclusively for several years and used to listen to death metal all the time, you can imagine the types of dreams I had. Sometimes I had to get home – for safety, or pick up something, a home base…not sure. It could have been any of those reasons. It was, many times, run-down. Not always post apocalyptic. But something that fell into disuse and disrepair. Things did change when we were moving, criminal elements started to move in and we really were forced to get out asap. Not the terms we wanted. But still there was something that made me go there. Nowhere else. I would reach my floor and sometimes just reach the door but never got in. Never got to that balcony again. Never looked out my parents window at the NY skyline with the twin towers still standing.

Guess I never truly made it home again in those dreams, maybe the new ones became more real .

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Ketchup With Us #36b – Hi, Tee!

Ms Mel and ODNT are giving me another 10 minutes to write something, anything. Starting…now! Ketchup With Us

I guess this is a sequel to the other entry about T shirts. Or further evidence that I am a hoarder.

Well I found some boxes in my parent’s closet (well what was my closet when I lived there), and guess what? I found another stash of memories and yes they are t shirts. Band/music t shirts to be exact.

Through my college days and for a few years after I used to go to as many concerts as I could. My favorite bands (metal & industrial mainly) toured frequently and hey, it was a night out. I admit I couldn’t stand many aspects of it. Having to stand around waiting between bands, which venues did to boost beer sales or something like that. My favorite venue was Roseland, which has just shuttered its doors, since they had an 11pm curfew. Places like Irving Plaza have 1 am. Not that I wanted to end early (yes I did) but that it made bands go one right after one another when a lot of them were playing. So standing around with the 1-2 friends who actually liked the shows got boring.

People are another factor of course (aren’t they always?). Being squished, pushed, kicked and crushed by others wasn’t fun. I got to stand in the front row to see TOOL, and the forward push thankfully didn’t break my ribs. The crowd surfers were landing on me all night. I would go home, sticky with sweat (mostly my own, gah) and the stench of smoke, patchouli and weed on me (they allowed smoking in most venues back then). The shirts are faded now, and trying them on*, psht I look like the ‘rock and roll will never die’ guy hanging on to a memory. All I need is a mullet and white sneakers. *If I get a dozen likes on this, I’ll post a picture!

So will I keep these? Hell no, I bet some punk would love my broken in metal shirts. I see them at these trendy community flea markets sometimes – they are old enough to be ‘retro’. Somewhere I know I still have the ticket stubs.

One of the last big shows I went to was Ozzfest. Rainy weather, shitty crowd and the bands let me down with the level of their suckage. To culminate, a roadie took out his life’s frustration on me, leading to an ER visit.

October 2001 I went to see TOOL again at Madison square garden this time. SEATS!, but everyone stood?! It was a sold out event but since 9/11 was fresh in minds, people couldn’t give away their tickets.

So I’m done with arena/stand around rock. Now I see my friends and other indie bands in the lower east side. I sit in tiny tables and rickety chairs, sip wine or cocktails, sometimes tea, say hello& thanks afterwards to the musicians, and enjoy it all without injury or strange smells.

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Filed under clothes, Life, Retro