June Blogs By Numbers – Six Quotable shows

Ms Mel and ODNT know there is strength in numbers – so write a numbered list this month and they will link YOU up! You have 10 minutes – or as much as you need before June 30th!

When looking for wise words and quotes that will get you through each day, or make you smarty-pants level, you should forget world leaders, activists, poets, and definitely forget  anything a celebrity says, or a Facebook meme.

That’s what TV is for and about!

In keeping with the June by Numbers prompt, I took a few shows and quotes that I manage to work into everyday conversation. Chatting with me is a unique experience indeed.

This is just a small sampling. Seriously, I can go all night (That’s what she said), and with that…we begin!

1. The Simpsons. Though I no longer watch new episodes, the early seasons of the show were a gold mine of quotes, and were perfect for the immature teenage/young adult years that I have recently outgrown (that’s a lie, I still use these daily).

“Worst episode ever!”– ‘Episode’ can be substituted with any verb, noun or situation, ever.

What he meant was, Monster Island is actually a peninsula. Best used when someone misunderstands some fact or situation.

Boo-urns. Anytime something is boo- worthy.

D’oh! Need I say more?

2. Family Guy. Another Fox show, Family Guy debuted within reach of the new millenium, was cancelled, then came back bigger than ever a couple years later. It pushed the envelope, and though it is the norm these days, crass un-pc humor is still abound here.

“Vile Woman!” & “Victory is mine!” – Pretty dated at this point, but they served their purposes well.

“Buzz Killington” – Refer to any person who kills the good mood/vibe, as such, or just the situation at hand, as if he had recently been around.

 

3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Sure there are quote from Life of Brian, and the Meaning of Life, but HG is a goldmine of catchphrases. As someone who has pretty much memorized the entire film, including the opening credits, there are just too many to get into at this point.

From migrating coconuts, killer rabbits, French insults and questioning the ruling of kingdoms, yeah there’s just too much. I don’t even know that I fit the quotes into everyday life. That’s a lie, I know exactly how.

“I got better!”. Glad to hear it!

“You tit/silly sod! I fart in your general direction!” are fitting insults for the idiocy/rudeness of others.

If someone asks if you need anything, “Another shrubbery! And place it a little higher for the two level effect and a little path” is a good response. (Keep in mind that you will not really get past the first sentence if they have no idea what you just referred to. If they do get it, the second sentence will elicit even more laughs – if THEY say the next sentence, let them, and bask in your new friendship).

“There are some that call me…Tim?” I use my own name in place when introducing myself (note to self, not at interviews!) But I would sit around with friends and quote randomly, laughing like nerds in our own genre

I should add that I  have not one, not two, but three shorts that make references to the film, mashed up with other themes. Can you figure them out?

You can thank teefury for that.

4. Star Wars . 

Any place that looks sketchy gets the “you’ll never mind a more wretched hive of scum and villany” treatment.

“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” Again substitute ‘droids’ for the object of your choosing.

“She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts.” – Never refer to a woman in this way. That’s not what you want your last breathing words on Earth to be.

“I am wondering…why are you here”. Any/everyone who comes to your desk or office. Especially company Presidents. Or security, even though you fully know they are there to escort you off the premises. Leave ’em laughin’!

“Use the Force”. Hey it might help!

“Scruffy Nerfherder!” Yeah that’s right, I went there. Want some lotion for that burn?! As a reply to someone who gave you ‘french’ insults from Monty Python, you might not actually be arguing, rather doing a nerdy mashup worthy of a teefury shirt.

5. Regular Show – I have just started getting into this show, but already I am hooked. Yes I know you have liked it for longer than I have.
“Free cake!” is a great quote to celebrate by. Even if there is no cake around, you never know, some might appear. If you use the Force.

6. Archer . A newer FX/Netflix instant show with plenty of cursing, crass humor and drinking.

“Into the Danger Zone!” A ‘suffix’ for any (in your opinion) extreme activity coming up.
“This is how you get ants!” Referred to any messes (even non-food items) that are around.

That’s all I can fit into past 10 minutes – what are some of your TV/movie quotes?

 

7 Cool Summer Activities – AKA the Ice Bucket List

Ms Mel and ODNT know there is strength in numbers – so write a numbered list this month and they will link YOU up! You have 10 minutes!

Will I do them all? Well I already know I don’t have enough time, but as long as I keep hydrated and wear spf 100, I could get through what is predicted as a hot and humid couple of months.

I admit I went way over 10 minutes, but they will forgive me, as I am slightly adored by them.

1. Water-based activities. Well does going rowing in Central Park count? Or Splish Splash? I hear Lazy River Tubing in Harper’s Ferry is fun (even though apparently the coolest family that lived there just moved). Or fishing off the coast of Long Island. I definitely want to get to Montauk by the end of summer. Go to the beach – I’ve been exermasizing, and have a new swimsuit, so off I should go. But I hate sitting out in the sun, it’s boring! So much for solar energy right…right?! (Is this thing on?). At least one day out though, with decent suntan lotion. I am all for safe sunbathing, but I always buy an SPF that blocks out every ray. Like black hole strength or something, so I wind up getting no color at all. Which makes me wonder if I did tan, I should definitely keep the beard, I might wind up with a terrible tan line!

2. Go to the movies. Considering I have already put off seeing Godzilla several times, I should really get my ass to a chilly theater. This is a terrible waste of a perfectly nice flask I have.

Every good Rebel had one.

I should note that off-broadway plays, independent music venues, and museums are also well ventilated, and offer plenty of entertainment.

3. Wine tasting. There are tons of vineyards in New York State, but unless you are planning a weekender, I can’t understand enabling people to drive in, drink wine all day and then hop back on the road. Seriously, be safe people. You could always just hit up a local liquor store or farmer’s market for tastings and advice on local and famous brand (just be sure to buy something once in a while!)

                 Summer doesn’t count without this.

4. Fine Dining outdoors. Yes this includes picnics. No, not in Central Park. NYers seem to think this is the only park in existence. Bear Mountain perhaps. Complete with fine wine (but not an all day tasting).  Outdoors also includes poolside or rooftop BBQ’s. I will get myself invited one way or another. I promise not to cannonball (pool not roof!). Ok that is a lie, I will absolutely splash you all. The finest of dining would be a corn/hot dog and cheese fries at Nathan’s. Yes the one in Coney Island – that’s the only one in existence in my universe. And riding the Cyclone. BEFORE the hot dog. I cannot stress that enough.
5. Indoor fine dining – If I want to get fancy pants, a trip out to City Island – I hear the seafood is amazing. Juniors, before it closes and re-opens within the putrid bowels of overpriced NYC housing. Burgers with a buddy (yes, you), is always fine dining, even If the place is a dive or trendy place.

 I’ll be Abel to finish this, not problem.

6. Fireworks. No not doing them – I really miss those days. But a good show, and that they are done every weekend in Coney Island is good. And yes you can eat hot dogs during the show, even though it’s already past 10pm.

7. Baseball! The sport of summer. Major leagues though – forget it. Too far too expensive and too crowded, especially with mass transit. Minor leagues! The Yanks and Mets both have teams around here. Cheaper seats that aren’t half a mile back and lot of fan interaction and fun.

Whatever I do though, I should keep a bottle of water in my pack (on those non-flask days) and a Zamzee strapped to my belt.

Eight H Songs

So I am double linking this idea for maximum exposureness, and also because inspiration came from all angles!

First, would be for From My Write Side, who in turn linked from Ambling & Rambling. Songs with an H theme. Since H is the 8th letter of the alphabet, my twist is 8 songs/albums/bands that start with the letter H.

Also since this is a numbered list, it goes along with Ms ODNT and Melmags in their June Blog Post by Numbers Month activity (and you thought they were just about Ketchup and angry letters.)

Sorry but I will not link these up to Youtube or something, because coding gives me headaches sometimes. If you are curious go for it!

1. H. by Tool – From the CD Aenima, it was one of my favorite albums of the mid 90’s. I played this straight through pretty much every day, and then the favorites over again. My friends and I put our own interpretations on the lyrics, a typical fawning gesture. Yet we were the same people who rolled their eyes when people would go on in the same manner about Radiohead. Looking back, yes we were those obnoxious fans. Such is life. Anyway H. is about inner conflicts, ‘the snake’ is mentioned throughout the song, likely a symbol of temptation and self-serving choices, which even if good or bad for us, are to our benefit first and foremost. With the drowned snake at the end, we have regret. The song fades into the sound of a record reaching the end, and the needle cycling through white noise.

2. Hope Tonight – a new CD (and a title track) by my friend Melanie Penn. What’s it like? Well I’ll tell ya…

Maybe things haven’t been going so well lately. After a gloomy end to 2013 (from Fall through November), and a snow filled start to 2014, as early as February, things may have looked to be just more of the same. Even the few nice days have been bookmarked by rainy weather. We deserve more. A song perhaps. One that doesn’t force rhymes, and that doesn’t take too long to learn.
But now it’s Spring (I think it is), the days are lasting longer, and now something else has come up among the flowers. Right now, you can purchase “Hope Tonight”, Melanie Penn’s sophomore release! It will remind of you of the hope, happiness, bittersweetness you have, and how much wiser you are from family and your own experiences. I was lucky enough to get a copy some time ago, and it is absolutely brilliant.
So download, listen, listen again, and you’ll hear it, see it, feel it.
It’ll turn around.
Things always turn around.

3. Hurt – Nine Inch Nails. Later Johnny Cash offered his own rendition, probably the best cover of any song, IMHO. The Downward Spiral was brilliant in its raw sound, which I don’t feel they duplicated afterwards. Like with garage bands, when the tech production goes up, and songwriting becomes a process, that cheap, dirty anger gets buffered. Still, this haunting track completed an incredible dark concept album.

4. Heaven Can Wait – Meat Loaf. Bat Out of Hell was a brilliant record. Yes record. I still have it, salvaged from the ol’ heave ho that your record collection rightfully deserves. Anyway, Heaven Can Wait, is the first of two love ballads on the record that are ironically sandwiched in between songs about horny teenage boys and bad bikers looking to score and split on innocent girls. Still, the emotion and sincerity stand out for Mr. Loaf, and I’m sure this song made it’s way onto many wedding dance floors back in the day.

5. High and Dry – Radiohead. The other band that has the annoying fans. The Bends was a foreshadowing of the complex style and vague lyrics that would grow (at least to me) incomprehensible, or at least an in-joke that I wasn’t going to pretend I got. Released in the midst of grunge, it did not fold to that pressure or sound and that’s why its still listenable.

6. Hung – Napalm Death. My first deep foray into grindcore/death metal and it happened by ‘accident’. At the time, I was into Metallica, pretty much the first step in any teen’s basic metal comprehension. Megadeth, Iron Maiden and Sepultura were also staples. Slayer was harder, faster and darker. So when we came across a cassette given to one of us, we put it on and were dumbfounded by the guttural vocals, chaotic guitars and lyrics that were sputtered out, and would stop mid sentence. We smirked, shook our heads, and were going to eject it, when I convinced everyone to just give it a few more minutes. After all what the hell else did we have planned that day? No foreign diplomats were waiting on us to arbitrate any peace treaties. So we sat there, and suddenly, as the song chugged along to the 2:50 mark of the song, the riff comes in. Jaws dropped. Heads banged.

7. Hats off to the Bull – Chevelle. An obvious reference to bullfighting and rooting for the underdog, this album and title track are built around the state of society and culture these days tied in with a traditional ‘sport’ that is criticized for its cruelty and machismo. Probably my favorite CD by Chevelle since Point #1, as they seemed to return to those roots indirectly, but keeping the sound fresh and perfectly done (see my note on NIN about stale, repetitiveness).

8. Head Down and Half – Both off Soundgarden’s Superunknown. This came out 20 years ago and damn I remember buying it with some of the last crumbs of my lean college student budget. The rest I spent on dinner out at Pizzeria Uno’s with my friends, while we listened to it on my portable CD player. I nod and smile just thinking about how dated that sounds. Anyway, those songs in particular were written by bassist Ben Shepherd, and were seemingly out of place among Chris Cornell’s memorable riffs and structure. It took me a while, but I would later get into them, as I would refrain from hitting the ‘skip’ button. That button made things much easier – no need to wear out the ‘ffwd’ button.

(Hidden Track- various) Ahhh you see what I did there?! Hidden tracks are fun things. Nothing was a better sight than when the track listing was different than the listed version. Even better was when there was no extra track, just the last song having seemingly endless minutes of silence before these odd outtakes or messages. There’s an angry parent calling Marilyn Manson’s hotline, a poetic, if not disturbing phone message 15 minutes after track 69 (as if ‘Disgustipated’ wasn’t disjointed enough, and yes we waited those extra 15 minutes- see #6 again for our work schedules), “Iron Gland” stuck between songs on Alice in Chains’ Dirt, a hidden track before the firts track on Korn’s See you on the other Side and Nine Inch Nails, who on Broken, dragged you out to tracks 98 & 99 for the last songs.

Ketchup With Us #39 – Four For 4/4

Ms Mel and ODNT Want a linkup, new or old. Maybe there was some awesomeness that went unaccoladed – now’s your chance!

I used this chance to revisit a fun thing I do. Four things on the Fourth day of the Fourth Month.

Also I decided to do it in 10 minutes and so each one got the fair shot of rambling, each bit was 2 minutes 30 seconds.

Mr G I will let you know about burgers soon. I have already met with other ‘online friends’- a term that was dubious back in the 90’s but is absolutely acceptable these days. Still I carry a whisper of that doubt, as I guess people see that I get along with so many people in the real world that it is still somehow different. Let me tell you there are people in your own company that you have worked with for years and never met. One professor who starts after I leave for example. We could have stood next to each other at an event and never knew it, when I met him, I realized…that wasn’t true. Anyway, so there are plenty of burger places and apparently a bar hidden upstairs from a five guys. I think though we’ll be going for ostrich burgers and a Guinness. My ending point being that I traveled to other cities to see some friends now time to make a day for the ones right here. Also you others need to come see us.

So I went to Chicago and Dallas and they were both great. I am exhausted and there is too much laundry waiting to be done, but I am glad I did it at this time. It leaves me open for more travels (that is after the next fiscal year rolls over and or after my tax refund comes back in). I got into the restaurants I wanted. I ate well, rested better, and saw the museums. Two things that I rate a city by, and glad to say that both cities passed. Dallas streets have few people and less litter. I spend way too much on souvenirs. I didn’t spend a lot on coffee, and I got some damn good deals on rooms that were right in the middle of town. One more US destination and then I look overseas. In the meantime my passport application sits in my bag, un-mailed. This weekend. I promise.

When I was younger I was apparently cute or precocious enough for my parents to see if I wanted to try out modeling/acting. I landed a few tiny things like textbooks, none of which I read or to my knowledge learned were defaced with devil beards and horns, until I landed an interview with some lady for a movie. “Why do you want to do this?” she asked. “Because my mom wanted me to.” She laughed and I made a good impression. Apparently also I made the short list for a movie about two boys who suddenly grew older and had to deal with this new situation. The script was changed, the movie was Big, and the woman who interviewed me was Penny Marshall. She never gave me a callback. Ah, well at least I am not on any terrible reality shows or dating late 80’s playboy models. And hey I got a paycheck. That’ll do.

So I now have one week until my windows XP machine is somehow no longer worthy of upgrades by Microsoft. I will be simply disconnecting it from the internet and using it for offline activities like games and writing, as I am sure that there will be a field day on XP machines. Well why not just upgrade they say? Well because in buying the upgrade to 7 or 8 and having to upgrade the hardware which is outdated, I will have to spend more than if I bought a new system. So why not just buy a new system, Good idea. I’ll switch to mac like everyone else is doing these days. So, well played Microsoft. Its days like this that I wonder why I got rid of my commodore 64 in the first place. THAT had Zak McKraken on it- which was the best game ever (shout out?). And dot matrix printers only less noisy than modems would be in later years.

The Many Faces of Monopoly

Note: this is the first in a series of posts first written in my previous blog, now shut down.
(Original posting – 1/6/2003)

______________________________

“F*ck!”

That word echoed through the acoustics of the room as the small grey soldier sailed over my head. I was playing Risk with my cousins, and my weak inferior 4 armies stationed in Western Canada managed to hold off the much larger assault force from Asia (I was rolling sixes like the Devil himself!). It wasn’t meant to injure of course, and together with the angry/laughing face my cousin made when throwing the fit, was enough to have me laughing (at him, not with). On a more serious note though , it’s true; board games bring out the worst in people. Check out the look of no surprise on your face!

Another one of the games which I feel give deeper insight into the people playing it is Monopoly. Having played it throughout my life, including a few months ago when I and everyone else at the table got completely pwned by a 7 year old, I see that it brings out many different sides of a person no matter how we act during our daily lives – So I compiled these categories, none of which are pretty! Oh, and no, I won’t be serious about this. 

• The Stackers – the people who stack their money into one big pile, which they hold onto at all times. Pay attention to the colors of money rainbowed within the pile; when the stacker lands on your property and it’s a high price, you better believe it’s going to be a huge production as they sift through their bills. The stacker also stacks their property deeds, thereby insuring that every time someone lands on a property they even suspect think they have, you’ll hear ‘wait’ as they check to see if they have it, every single time.

• The Tucker – The Tucker wants to tuck all of their money under the game board, making the board tilt up slightly. The reason behind this, is that the money now looks as though it is in a cash register, fulfilling the player’s dreams of working the check out at A&P. Whenever the tucker gets 50’s again (after running out) they insist in lifting the board to put their money in, thereby making houses and pieces landslide to the middle of the board so that everyone else has to fix them, including…

• The Weirdo – The weirdo can also be called The Control/Neat Freak, as the odd characteristics they display may overlap and/or vary in intensity. First, they insist on being the car, just so they can make the ‘vroooom’ sound every roll, and park their car in front of whatever property they land on, making the game more ‘realistic’. After all who travels around in an iron? Free Parking also makes sense for them and their car, and them only, and so they will mock the logic of you even being there as though some rip will occur in the time/space continuum. They will ‘fix’ the houses every roll, because the dice hitting the board with each roll moves the perfect alignment of their houses one microbe. Though a close relative to the aforementioned Tucker in the sense of exactness, they are in fact sworn enemies, and not only is it guaranteed that they will both be playing, but that the neat freak’s houses will be on the tucker’s side and be knocked over every 2 seconds as the tucker realigns his money, thereby riling up the Neat Freak, who will complain endlessly. Their properties and utilities are arranged perfectly and the money you owe is memorized and announced to you within a nanosecond of landing on the property, which gets really fucking annoying quickly.

• The Pain in the Ass – Sure as night follows day (and vice versa), there will be one completely obnoxious pain in the ass playing the game. What is the pain in the ass (henceforth known as PITA)’s modus operandi for being such a jerk anyway? Easy. They want to psyche you out, so that you make mistakes, lose all hope of winning and end up a Drifter. As fate will have it, the PITA will always wind up with the Boardwalk, Park Place about half the time and land on them enough times to put up hotels. The PITA will also offer to sell you his get out of jail free card for $49, as though it’s a bargain. Every time the PITA rolls the dice they will snap their fingers and/or yell “YEAH baby!”, as though that was exactly the number they wanted, even if it lands them on your property. Whenever someone draws ‘comes in second in a beauty contest’ the PITA will yell “Everyone else came in first!”, or “You were the only contestant!” (I admit to doing this, it is pretty funny!). No matter how much or how little rent you have to pay, the PITA will always ask you for the money in a very matter-of-factly voice with a hand outstretched, “$8 please!” They will offer to move your pieces for you when they know you will land on their expensive property, announcing each number with a gradual emphasis in shouting, then finally slamming your piece onto the property (usually Boardwalk with a hotel), laughing hysterically and knocking every house on the board askew (which adds to neat freak’s complaints of “oh, come ON!” to the cacophony).

You might think the PITA is unbreakable, but that is a common misconception. There’s one weakness the PITA has, and it must be exploited. It is of course, repercussion. Ask them for money in that same voice, move their pieces even as they refuse, remind them constantly of any properties that they may have mortgaged or any huge payments they have had to make, in short, dish it back, believe me they CAN’T take it! It may not seem to work at first, but gradually they will glare back at you, tell you to “shut up!”, and as you continue, they will try to pester you further, but you have at least equaled them, if not won!

• The Slum Lord – The slum lord (AKA the fake millionaire) owns the properties on the first side of the board, including hotels on Mediterranean and Baltic Avenues. They will cash in whatever money they have for higher denomination bills, so that eventually they have nothing but $500 bills and maybe a couple of $5’s to their name. God help you when you land on a property and they need to make change because you ran out of ‘ones’, or when they hand you a $500 bill for $12 rent.

• The Loser – No matter how many people play the round, there will be a loser, jinxed from the first roll when they land on ‘income tax’. This person ends up with a total of 3 properties, which they never land on. They will of course land on others’ properties religiously every time they go across the board. They are frequently in jail, and most of their money winds up in free parking, and is elected chairman of the board and has to pay every player $150. The loser will eventually give up and become The Drifter, where they liquidate all of their possessions and just roam around the board until they run out of money. If you play your cards right, you might be able to buy out the loser and take his properties, but the loser might also use the opportunity to hold ‘an auction’ which if voted in by other players, will allow them to milk you for up to double the price if someone absolutely needs to own Marvin Gardens (and there is always someone who does).

• The Cheaters – If there is a way to sneak, connive or just plain cheat one’s way into winning, or better yet, making YOU lose, they will find it, or make new ways as opportunities arise. First off, they will insist on being banker, which arouses instant suspicion. Seeing as being banker is a bit of a pain, especially when there are a lot of players, they get their way. They’ll toss the die off the table and as you retrieve it, you’ll look up and suddenly your hotels are downgraded to 2 houses, and everyone will swear it was that way.
Well I won’t trash cheaters too much here– you see, they rip EVERYONE off, even each other, which means from time to time, YOU will reap some benefits, such as houses passed to you in a bag of chips, or a $500 bill slipped to you (where else, but under the table!) It’s bribery of course, but they keep everyone in ‘hush houses’ and the games run with the air of mistrust throughout the duration.

So – which one are you?
And which piece must you always have?

Less of More in ‘One Four

For all I wanted to get done (which is a lot), there is even more I want less of.

The phrase “Let’s have/We had that conversation” – When first thunk up and unleashed upon the world, that phrase seemed to be in the context of meaningful social or current issues (you know, the things not discussed on the internet). At a recent meeting, I started to keep tally of one person who used it about 6 times, she ‘had that conversation’ with everyone she encountered. I also added one more to the total, as I am sure she related the meeting in another conversation.

Also, “’So and so’ won the internet” – winning the internet is not a prize…except YOUR blog, that is. I would rather win cash or the equivalent in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models, and let you keep your blog, so you can keep putting out awesomeness.

Cell phone photos, including selfies. ‘Selfies’ was the Oxford word of the year, and I wonder what word got eliminated from dictionaries to make room for that and ‘twerking’. In fact, there should be less cell phone photos being taken. Phones should have a limit of 10 photos a day – back in my day we had film and every picture you took had to count, cuz dammit you had to pay to get them developed. Now anyone can take 50 photos of the same damn thing, quickly and without care to the details, hoping 1-2 come out useful. Quality, not quantity!

Taking offense to anything not directed at you. Unless the media outlets call YOU out on your life, your view, or your job, there is no reason to get hurty feelings on anything. That leads to you being angry, which equals wasted time. Also if the media outlets call you out for anything, it’s the same as winning the internet. They used to cover important people, now you are the new Honey Boo Boo. Then again, if you manage to get interviewed by a reporter on the street, well good for you! (skip to about 2:00 in, if you want)

Meme’s. for instance, there’s one of ‘Willy Wonka’ with random captions that refute the logic of any opinion which has opened the eyes of no one ever. All it proves is that Gene Wilder was a better Willy Wonka than Johnny Depp.

Less Johnny Depp playing eccentric characters that get higher billing than the main actors. Bonus of less hangout time with Tim Burton. Now before you throttle me about the face and torso for this statement, I suggest perhaps he spend more time acknowledging/visiting/whisking away to a tropical island those of you who write letters, dedicate blogs, and who have added the laborious task of slathering him in sunscreen several times a day (and oddly enough, night), to bucket lists. You’re welcome.

Anything remade or retro 80’s without acknowledgement that the reason for bringing it back is because the 80’s were totally radical (to the max). There is a reason why a new version of RoboCop is in theaters (well not a good one) but as a comparison to why “Face-Off” will (hopefully) never be ‘rebooted’. Never say never, though.

Holiday car commercials. Why are they still showing Michael Bolton serenading new car owners?! The Honda da..I mean Holidays are over! Saying that this travesty should end isn’t something to be bookmarked for next November, but right now.

Losing the Lottery. I have purchased more than enough tickets with non-winning numbers on them. Time to start picking those correct ones. Either that, or let me get struck by lightning while fighting off hippopotamuses with Kate Upton, who decided to go out with me. (Well not everyone wants Johnny Depp. For some reason, right?).

So what do YOU want less of this year?

Ketchup With Us #33: The Passed

Ms Mel and ODNT want to know in 57 words or less, or more, anything at all!.

I was pretty good with last year’s resolution (and I have 3 receipts from this week to go through), and around two years ago, I found out I had already set this blog in motion. So if anything, the new year is a great excuse to get back into it.

Every year I am healthy, working, respected and not worrying about finances is a better day than a lot of others. However, 2013 took a downward turn on many levels which I will not get into, and I am going to have to work harder to make 2014 more memorable, since a regular pace will not give me the impression of momentum. So, some ‘lofty’ or at least numerous goals, most of which will be documented in this blog, which means more for you to read (yay?!).

The first:
• 120 blog posts  – 1 every 3 days average, very doable. Yes Mr. G, you have gotten used to my in and out on posting, slamming the screen door every damn time  as well. I am sure most of you have. I promise at least some consistency.
Speaking of which…
• Keep up on reading you. Yes, you *Points to you*. I truly enjoy your posts.

• 52 pages of original storywriting (yes this includes the Zombie Bunnies, which has been on hiatus for >6 months)
• 26 writing challenges (which could be done just by Ketching Up, but there is always Trifecta!)

• 52 Books read
• 52 movies watched
• 12 new recipes (not necessarily original ideas)
• 12 new cocktails
• 12 new restaurants
…and reviews of each one of these.

• 12 photo posts (a month in photos-type dealie).
• Meet 12 new people. One way or another. *(I will not review the people, but if we meet in a new restaurant, they/I will review their food/drinks. Which means a new burger joint, Mr G.)
• Meet the most famous and inspiring Ms. ODNT and MelMags, because, if you read them, you want to meet them and the ketchup costumes. Yes you do.

• 2 vacations in which I travel, domestic (I have some ideas – if you have any ideas, I am sure they are to YOUR home town, in which case, name the restaurant that you are taking me to so we can review it!)
• Beat every video game I have started (if this includes anything in the Grand Theft Auto series, it doesn’t mean get 100%, if this phrase means anything to you).
• Be elected to my co-op board (2-3 neighbors are already grooming me to run)
• Be re-elected to the Staff council at work (I am the chair). However, this is voided if I achieve the goal; of a new, better job.
• To whatever point I progress in or complete any/all of these, Enjoy every minute.

Monday Listicles – OutFoxed

Yes I know it’s Friday, but hey, the listicle is still accepting entries 😉 This particular topic is “10 Shows That Were Canceled Too Soon”, in our humble opinions. I thought about it, and realized that while shows capture and lose my interest, this list, which spans from the 80’s until a few years ago, is almost all FOX shows (channel 5 in NYC). I have always been a fan of their offbeat programs, I don’t know why. Married with Children and the Simpsons owned the top ratings back in the day, but more often than not, there was a rotation of complete barrel bottom dreck. Apparently I love(d) it.

No sorry I didn’t provide any still images or links, you will have to IMDB them.
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1. Werewolf – a young college student, Eric has a friend who confesses he is a werewolf. Eric manages to kill his cursed friend, but is bitten. Just before dying, the friendwolf tells Eric that he has to kill the alpha werewolf, an old man named Skorzeny (Chuck Conners!), in order to be ‘cured’. The episodes take us through Eric’s trek across the country as he helps out people along the way and hunts Skorzeny. Sort of like the Hulk and A-Team. Eric kills Skorzeny in the season finale, but finds out that there was an even more powerful werewolf! There was no second season, dammitall.

2. Get a Life – Chris Elliot plays a 30-something paperboy (named Chris) who lives with his parents. Somewhere around the second season (yes there was one!), he moves out of there and with a friend (Brian Doyle-Murray). Basically it’s about his clueless, idiotic existence complete with obscure references and running gags. I was in awe of its ingenious stupidity; I actually found an old VHS tape with one of the funniest episodes I have ever seen (S.P.E.W.E.Y. the alien) which yes I watched again. I heard that the show was put onto DVD, but there was NO mastering, and managed to look like it was off someone’s VHS that they pulled out of storage (déjà vu?). Meh – that makes it like a joke that you have to explain.

3. Brimstone – an NYPD cop (Ezekial Stone) kills the man who raped his wife, and a few years later, Stone is killed, and his soul goes to Hell! While he laments that the rapist is in heaven (or at least not hell with him – despite his sin, he was murdered with malice), a group of 100+ condemned souls break out of hell (did they cut through the screen door or something?!). The devil makes a deal with him – bring back the souls and the Dark Lord (no not Vader) will bring him back to life (if you can trust anyone to uphold their deal, apparently it’s the Devil) Even the reviews said the show wouldn’t last, and of course it didn’t.

4. Keen Eddie – Mark Valley plays a NYC cop in the UK. It lasted a complete season (I did get the DVD set as a gift, some epsiodes I can’t really recall!) and while I hoped for a second season, Valley went on to Boston Legal and other shows – the actors know when the well is dry! (

4a – Mary Valley would later star in “Human Target”, which in itself was a remake that had already failed on fox in the 80’s. It lasted 2 seasons – even a star cast couldn’t save it.

5. Dark Angel – Jessica Alba’s breakout role. A bunch of rowdy brats, who were genetically modified with various animal DNA, break out of the super secret guv’ment facillility. At some point before or after this, terrorists EMP the USA, making us a 3rd World Nation PDQ. It lost the original focus in the second season (yes there was one), as subplots started creeping in. There was a season finale, which half-doubled as a series finale.

6. Futurama – Yes it gets reboots every once in a while but it was never given proper respect. Back in the day, it was pre-empted by Fox’s Sunday football games post game show, even if the game was over, which they timed so that ‘King of the Hill’ was still shown. Bobby Hill vs Bender?! C’mon.

7. Cavemen – yes the show that was based on the GEICO cavemen. I knew the life span of this show would be measured in minutes (I half-expected it to be canceled in the middle of an episode), and so I was insistent on watching it. I was berated by family and friends, who tried their best to distract me from watching it. The show lasted about a month I think, but it’s now a faded gag.

8. Alien Nation – A TV series based on the 80’s movie, it was about two LAPD detectives, one human, the other an alien. There was always that underlying theme of prejudice and other social class struggles. While it was cancelled after a few seasons, public demand had several more TV movies made through the 90’s which tied up many loose ends.

9. V – A great movie/ mini-series in the 80’s, it was a freaky show for a kid like me. I recall that later seasons seemed more open-and-close plotlines, as headway in the struggle was not clearly defined. Eventually some sort of truce was arranged – with a twist, which they never got around to figuring out. I did not watch the remake from a few years ago.

10. Terminator: the Sarah Conner Chronicles An incredibly dumb title for a show, but hey I like those wacky killin machines, so I was game from the first episode. Summer Glau played a waifish terminator, but even her appeal didn’t bring the ton of Firefly fanboys. Bringing in Brian Austin-Green and Shirley Manson (of the band ‘Garbage’) didn’t boost either. I think that the movie “Terminator: Salvation” which was pretty underwhelming, may have been the final nail in this.

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Monday Listicles – The Scents of Well-Being

The one good thing about Mondays is that NorthWestMommy diligently offers up a new fan- influenced prompt, geared towards the positive aspects of existence. This week is 10 favorite smells. Like Ms NWM herself I tried to keep the list from representing all foodstuffs. Unlike her, well, you’ll see.

1. Fresh air. Not much of it around here. When I go to the mountains, even just the suburbs, I can sense the difference especially since it usually means more serene surroundings – since city life is as much soul-crushing as it is physically polluting. Fresh air works up the appetite for one thing. That leads me to the next one.

2. Barbecue. Yes I plainly see the irony of longing for and appreciating the outdoors, then polluting it just to get extra char on my burger/hot dog/ steak/ vegetables.

3. Dried flowers. the scent is as strong, if not longer lasting, than when they are in bloom. Except for honey suckles, which are wonderful when they are around. I do not have much exposure to actual full gardens (see #1).

4. Candles. Not just a source of mood lighting, many candles are scented, which can go along with a seasonal or intentional purpose. This is a tricky area, since candle scents can be overpowering or smell more like food than they really should. I have found that Crystal Journey candles are my favorites; clean light and refreshing, and if you are into meditating/ spiritual practices, you will likely find what you need here. Or get me something. Just puttin’ it out there.

5. Indian food/curry/basmati rice. Sure you can get that nice aroma from the cart food, or a divey little place in Curry Row NYC, but when you get those fresh ground seasonings in a nice rich gravy, accompanied by basmati rice with actual saffron, inhale deeply and you will reach a dreamy state. All this before you take the first bite!

6. Garlic/onions frying. This gears more towards my Italian roots. When I was younger, Sunday mornings usually meant waking up to this aroma wafting through the apartment. A good sauce takes time of course, and was an integral part of even bigger meals, like lasagna or stuffed shells. If it wasn’t our house cooking, then this was the first thing you would smell when walking into grandma’s house. Imagine if #4 came in this scent?!

7. Banana bread. I generally enjoy baking, and the aromas are great (especially when vanilla and/or brown sugar are ingredients!), but the smell of banana bread just seems to equal warmth. Pulling open a muffin is likeable to a blossoming flower.

8. Brewing tea. Whether it’s with regular leaves, green tea, spicy chai (see #5 for a 1-2 punch!), or ones blended with herbs like sage or rosemary, every aroma is clean and refreshing. Your senses will steep in the smells and the flavors.

9. Hugo cologne. I first bought this in college. I know, you grow up and move on to other scents, but this reminds me of my turtleneck sweaters and cold weather in general, as well as my more carefree days (ok that’s not completely true, college is stressful!) I never could wear it during warm weather. I always make sure to own even just a small bottle to wear from time to time.

10. Cats. When I bury my face in their cute fuzzy bellies, I get their scent. Then they wash themselves immediately afterwards since they have MY scent. Litter boxes- eh, not so much a fan of THAT part. Like babies, you wonder how something so cute can create something so diabolic. It’s the balance of nature; just keep repeating that to yourself as you clean it up. Or just burn a candle!

Trifextra 48: Excluded

“I feel I’m able to get rid of any demons lurking in my psyche through my writing, which leaves me free to create all of this and to enjoy our family life, stepping away from all the fictional traumas and the dramas. If I write about family in crisis, then I won’t have to live through it, I guess.” – Jodi Picoult This weekend we’re asking for 33 of your own words that exorcise a demon. One of your own, or one from your imagination. Let it bleed on the page.

 

I’ve never included childhood bullies (even as zombunny fodder). They would attain ‘immortality’; the creativity I have gained through introversion is victory enough. Besides… there are things even an undead bunny won’t eat.